Dream, my little mate

Chapter:32

My brain had exploded into a million and one pieces and they all laid scattered on the floor.

I paced back and forth, trying to wrap my head around at least one little part of the full picture, but it was all just too much for me to handle at once. I walked back and forth, thinking I'd find my answer somewhere along the way... but it never came. My mind was still laying on the bed, looking into the eyes of my dead mother.

All she left me with, after all these years was 'I'm sorry'. What a great and meaningful phrase to say to the daughter you hadn't seen in decades. And yet, I don't know why I held onto those words so tightly and kept replaying it in my head.

While pacing through my room; I felt like I was the crazy one in this situation, but I was far from it. No matter how much it pained me to think this way, but my mother- my biological mother, willingly did this to me and didn't stop for one second to think how this would affect me in the future. I was only a little kid when everything happened with her and it still to this day effects my everyday life negatively. The more I thought about it, the more sick it became to me; she woke up one day and thought 'I'm going to fake my death'... for power, wealth and luxury, so she could live the princess life she's always wanted to live? She really sacrificed her child's entire wellbeing to live out her guilty pleasures, but not have to deal with her pesky, rambunctious, young daughter. She was a nasty human being, no matter how you tried to justify her actions. I still had this urge in my body to open the door and run into the arms of my mommy. It was just how we were designed to be.

The sad thing is, I kept blaming this on myself. I just didn't want to make her out to be the bad person she really was. The little girl in me, wanted to hold onto that pure and loving view I had towards my mother when I was young. If I would've been a more obedient child, then she would've never left me. Maybe, if I hadn't been the fastest swimmer, then I wouldn't have been born and she'd never have to deal with me. I'm sure she never stopped for one second to think about how she was playing games with my psyche and how she infinitely messed me up when she took her "last breaths".

It's funny how your life can come crashing down in a split second. You think everything's one way, but it's really the total opposite. It made you look at life in a whole other perspective; one you'd thought you'd never have to look through. It changed how you viewed the people in your life, how you viewed your own life, and it showed me how easily the person you love the most... will fuck you over without a second thought and still love and live life happily.

I was driving myself crazy with this. I didn't have time to have a mental breakdown; my best friend is actually trying to rape me, my mother betrayed me and who knows what she wants now, my mate and his pack are dead and they don't even know it yet. I needed to stop, breathe, and find a way out and to safety.

I inhaled and exhaled almost a thousand times before I started to finally calm down and start looking at life more rationally again.

Think. Think. Think. Think.

I didn't have any useful skills, the only real skills I have are; crying, being scared, being useless, and relying on other people to save me. I don't think those will get me very far, so I had to come up with another way. I-I have to find a trustworthy person, that was willing to go against Wren's Alpha commands. It would be hard, but I needed to know Akai was okay and wasn't suffering because of me.

I exhaled one more finally deep breath before I walked to my door, opened it, and strolled downstairs trying my best to be the most badass woman I could be.

*************

After running into Wren again, which wasn't very pleasant for me or my lips, I had walked to my dads office and hoped for the best.