No U

I dont even know anymore.

I've been going through this phase, which kinda makes me... not me. I haven't been feeling myself lately. I've been getting more and more confused in science..

And just a huge problem with my family as well. I've been feeling different... like I don't even know who I am anymore.

Why am I alive?

What did I do wrong?

What did I do to struggle?

And I swear, I'll find a solution.
Here's a hint that maybe I'd do:

It may not seem clear, but I just hope you'd understand. I don't want to talk about it personally to you guys because... I just remember someone online telling me about my problems and how I'm so emotional about them, like they're telling me to just keep them to myself. And I've been so bothered by it because of how right they are.

Why can't I just go back?

Why can't I just go back in time and fix everything so I wouldn't have to be in this problem?

Maybe I deserve this?

I deserve it.

Maybe I should keep my mouth closed. I shouldn't even talk or write any chapters about this!

So here's the reason why I'm typing this right now...

I guess I won't be very very active for a long time. Maybe like a long break or... maybe even leaving?

I mean, what's the point?

I lost all my friends, even on here, in school, almost about everywhere. Heck, I might even lose myself if I keep this going.

I don't want to go to school anymore. I just want to be a chandelier.

I just want to go home. I don't care if it takes 11 hours for two flights to get back home where I had no problems. I want to go back.

Why did they ever want me to be here? What's the point? I've been here without an explanation from them and here I am talking about how I can't handle things maturely.

Or maybe you're thinking "Oh she's in her 'time' of the month.". Well, you're partially right.
I guess it's just my mood swings. I don't know.

I somehow want to badly cry in front of everybody just to let everything out of my chest. I honestly want people to know that I'm shattering into a mess of glass shards.

I want to fall on my knees and cry my eyes out.
I want to cry out for her and sob until my eyes turn bloody red.

I want to feel my head spin around and feel my heart break and shatter for about the million time. I want my "so-called" friends to see me, the actual me that was hiding in this layer of skin.

I want them to know that I give up in life as they watch me kms effortlessly while they just stand there and watch, completely shock and won't care at all. I want to close my eyes and still hear them screaming my name and screaming apologizes.
Though, they were too late.

Don't worry, I'd still probably update books. I might even update on this book to tell you guys about it.

Thanks guys.

Give yourselves a virtual hug from me for reaching the end without even reading everything.