No U

Hate, Trust, and Stressful Dust

Sorry that I'm not really that active anymore. I'm kinda more focused on Instagram now since I don't usually have the motivation to write and continue updating my books.
But I promise that I'll find the right time to continue them, like the weekends.

You know, since school started and we all have a lot of homework (me specifically). I have a weird schedule where I do my free time after school and do homework after dinner. That's usually because I do some work during homeroom (the first and last classrooms that I go to everyday)

I've kinda made new friends at my new school too. But only during the actual periods. I'm always alone during lunch and break.

But I'm used to it. It gives me more time to eat and read my book to continue my "summer reading" that I wasn't able to get since I'm new.

Did you know that I'm just speechless all the time?

I can't find the right words to say since I'm always paranoid that whatever I say might end up badly and I'd embarrass myself.

Like every time someone compliments my drawings, I'd think about what I'd say for a minute and start sweating nervously. Should I thank them? Should I disagree? What if they're just lying to make me feel better?

So sometimes, I just tend to... not reply. Specifically the comments you guys make. I always can't find the right words to say ALL THE DARN TIME.

(And here's a quick rant: The Group I was assigned to in my elective are so slow- just pLeaSe woRK aLreaDy oR wE mIgHt fAiL oUr cLaSs. But I always try to hold back as much as I can because I fear that they're gonna hate me once I break.)

I get jealous too.

I saw this girl in PE, drawing and shading it so neatly and perfectly as she talks with her friend.
Then I'd look back at my old drawings and say that they're garbage. I hate my traditional art.
Then it makes me jealous too knowing the fact that maybe I'm just not the type of person who can have friends so easily. Everyone has friends except me there. I know no one. And it makes me anxious knowing that I won't have anyone to back me up.