A/N
I just want to refresh my head because it's literally going everywhere
She sat there, reading a book all by herself. She questioned herself while reading without even focusing on the actual story of the book. 'What if I'm just not enough? What if I end up with a horrible future? What if no one likes me for who I am? Will I ever have a normal life?'
She sighed to herself and continued to read until the bell rang. She quickly closed her book and left the bookmark right where she stopped. She stuffed it in her bag and left off to her fourth period. She arrived early, no students were around her outside the classroom. The teacher opened the door and saw her, greeting her and smiling.
Once they both got in the classroom, students started showing up and sitting down. It was Math, somehow one of her new favorite subjects. She didn't know how she started out getting so frustrated over it to starting to get addicted to simplifying fractions and dividing them.
She kept thinking as she was writing down the problems. She couldn't get that one person out of her head. It was if that person kept her going. It was as if that person was her motivation. She was personally excited to talk to that person at the end of school since they leave early. But she was somehow nervous.
In her head during the entire day was her. The person she was thinking about during fourth period. It has been years since she had seen her actual face. Somehow, she still remembers a few of her features, but her voice was still remembered inside her head.
But then she had a thought. She wanted to forget everything. She wanted to forget who she was, why she's alive, why she's spending her time day dreaming about the girl of her dreams and literally imagine what it would be like to be back with her, to hug her again and see her smile. She wanted to forget everything. She doesn't know why. She just doesn't know.
Once she got back home, she started feeling insecure. She looked back at her body and saw a few stretch marks on her legs. She stares longingly into the mirror and staring at her face. She saw how messy her hair was. She saw how she always had a small frown on her face put on her face everyday.
That frown she wears everyday doesn't seem to bother her. She sometimes doesn't even notice she has a frown on. She thought that maybe she broke at a certain point. She thought maybe that her mouth was just tired and decided to just form a curve of disappointment.
She thought that maybe everyone who saw her frown questioned her daily life.
"Is she okay?"
"Is she depressed?"
"She's probably just really mad or upset all the time."
She looked at her arms. She wondered how she came this far without a single cut across her slightly long arms. Sometimes she just couldn't even believe it. But then she knew that she was already slowly dying. Her skin seemed to be so dull and unhealthy.
She started gripping onto the bathroom sink. She felt her frown growing, clenching her teeth as she tried to hold back. Her head hang low, she gripped harder onto the sink, whimpering as quietly as she can before she starts falling apart. She's not good enough. She's not beautiful. She's not important to anyone. She doesn't matter. No one cares about her. She's too weird. She shouldn't exist at all. She's not loved.
She felt arms wrap around her. She felt the warmth of someone comforting her. The scent she started smelling was unfamiliar. She sniffed, looking back up at the mirror and saw her. She knew it wasn't real. She knew what was happening wasn't real. She refused to believe this was all real. She was unsure of everything. She didn't want to believe.
But somehow, her arms wrapped around the person who was hugging her tightly. She cried onto her chest. She was a she. She refused to look into her eyes. She refused to say a single word because she knew that this very moment can't be described with words. Just love.
