No U

Is it possible to...

... fall in life with somebody so perfect that you absolutely feel like you don't even exist in their world?

I think it's possible.
It's definitely possible.

I feel like that all the time

I try so hard to impress
I try so hard to be seen
I try too hard

Is that what's wrong with me?
Am I supposed to try hard?
Will I gain any benefit for it anyway?

I don't know
I just don't know

I keep saying that
Even my mom gets annoyed by me saying that

She says "I shOuLd sTARt cAlLiNg yOu i doNt kNOw-" every time I say that

She even questions the way I walk

Because I walk weirdly
Sometimes I'd make weird movements because I feel so awkward just standing still there

I guess I'm just really weird

She should probably question the way I draw too >:O

Idk

Oh god I should stop saying that

I've been thinking to myself a whole lot

I've been realizing how wrong my every decision is

Every time I'm at school, I make a friend but somehow end up losing them anyway

I mean, I have at least 3 friends and they're really nice

I just wish I spent more time with them in school than in class

I suddenly feel so depressed again
I don't know why
I don't know how
But I just feel depressed

I can't help but ask myself a few questions like "Why am I alive?"
"Do people actually think I'm worth their time?"
"Do people even like me as myself?"
"Why am I like this?"

I hate myself somehow

I just don't feel good enough to be alive

I'm worthless to everyone