(I know everyone wont read the entire thing from top to bottom, but I just wanted to let this out. You don't have to lie to me and tell me you read everything. Obviously, no one has ever been interested in me for so long)
And life is to test your capabilities, whether you could last longer or give up easily.
It's whether you choose to be strong, independent and brave, or scared, depressed and negative.
Usually, the two choices may seem easy, but to some people, it can be difficult to choose just once. Some can even be in the center, but not for long.
Sometimes I hate my life, sometimes I love it.
It's all because of how proud I am to get this far in life, to start getting better at art but not until people start losing interest in you because of how well you're doing already.
One person starts desiring their idol, sooner or later, that'll get tired of that person and move on to someone else. That's one thing life includes.
People you love won't always stay with you. No matter how much they say that care about you, how much they love or even desire you. In one point in life, you'll lose them too.
That's the worst fact that I can't face. I'm dependent. I usually can't do things on my own. But once I start getting the hang of it with the help of others, they just... somewhat leave you alone. I'm dependent. I'm weak. I'm helpless without everyone's opinion on me, without their supports or proof that they do think about me.
I hate liars. I absolutely hate liars. Not the ones who say "your art is amazing! Can you teach me your ways?" because obviously that's a lie
But the kind of lies that people tell you about your personality and yourself.
Ex. "OH MY GOSH YOURE SO QUIET, YOU MUST BE VERY SMART AND WELL-FOCUSED"
Well, maybe not until you get to know me that you start denying your "compliment" about me. It's like saying how one person says they love my stories, arts and OC's/characters but then one person explains more details about them that the person who says they love them will start denying their "so-called compliment"
I hate those They always remind me how everyone has a different opinion, and even one opinion can change everyone else's opinion, no matter what. Because I know that no one cares. Especially about me.
I know others are facing worse but I'm just focusing on myself. I'm not saying this to be rude, selfish or harming but I just don't feel good enough
I know some of you reading this (but you probably aren't reading this anyway and just voting this chapter and exiting) will say "just talk to a therapist, find someone to talk to, get some help"
But then I think "so you think it's that easy?"
To some people, it really is people. But then there's me; always holding myself back and pretending like I can handle everything myself when I can't.
I can understand that no one will say anything in this chapter. You DONT HAVE TO. I can understand. I really do.
Even if it hurts, I do. Because I've had that same experience everyday. And I'm fine with that. Always.
I'm gonna go sleep now. I don't expect to see anything tomorrow, literally. I only expect to know that people don't care at all just to actually know if I'm alone or not.
I'm fine with either way. Because if you've known me for a long time, you'd definitely know why.
But, you probably won't anyway. It's fine. It's fine.
I'm gonna continue practicing drawing humans
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I've been drawing way too many trolls.
And honestly? No one really likes them as much as Trolls fans do. I can see why actually
Not the movie itself, but my use of creativity with them.
