Loop || MIN YOONGI ✔

XII.

My alarm didn't go off anymore.

I stopped it, since I now know everything was a lie.

This whole time, I was living in circles of lies.

I didn't sit up from my bed, just continued lying down. Thoughts flowed inside my mind while I was staring at the ceiling. I didn't know what to do anymore. It feels like my job is done.

My phone vibrated on my bedside table.

From: Unknown

Going through many doors of lies before getting to the room of truth.

How fantastic. The unknown contact finally decided to message me in English. What is this person, a fucking poet?

I sighed heavily, trying hard not to let tears form in my eyes. It was difficult being someone who doesn't let emotions show easily. I'm not also the type to be vocal about something unless I'm sarcastic.

"If I suddenly disappeared, what would you do?"

The voice call on my telephone notifed a new voice mail, automatically playing it.

"Yoongi...I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier. I really am." She said.

Fuck you. You played me in your hands.

"But I have an explanation. Please listen to me."

Am I not listening to you now?

"It was hard for me, going through depression. What I was depressed about, you ask? It was because I feel like my existence is a lie. Not because I went through something tragic. I am treated well, blessed with friends, and there's you..." she whispered the last part sadly.

"I felt like even when I try to be happy now, it would eventually fade. That this happiness in life would soon be replaced by sadness, grief and all that deep shit."

Wow, this girl can swear.

"So I guess you can say I'm a masochist. I'd like to experience pain and take pleasure from it because once I feel suffering, I somehow believe I'm living my life worthwhile." She explained, taking a deep breath after.

"That is why I died that day."

Pardon?

"You're right. I died already."

So I'm seeing a ghost now. What kind of a sick joke is this?

"But you don't understand everything yet, Yoongi." Her voice broke in the line.  "Soon, you will. The pieces will connect little by little. If only you'd listen to me, I would help you-"

I couldn't handle it any longer so I grabbed the telephone and threw it on the wall, smashing it into bits.

I let out a scream of frustration while throwing random things around my bedroom. I wanted to break something to let out my anger on. It was getting too much for me.

What did I do to deserve this? I did nothing wrong.

"Tired..." I slumped down on the wall, beside my bed. "I'm fucking tired of everything." Tears ran down my cheeks. I wiped it away quickly but more fell down from my eyes. "What should I do...what should I do..."

I closed my eyes, thinking of the times I was just happy seeing her smile. The way I make her laugh because of my savage and sarcastic remarks.

Just let it be that way again.