The Real World |5sos fanfic|

Part 7- Hope

'I can't,' I typed fiercely into my phone. 'I can't ever see them ever again, ever. Calum thinks I'm a stalker. Actually they probably all think I am, I doubt Calum could stop himself from telling them all what I did.' I shoved my phone into my pocket, hiding the evidence I was texting in class.

I looked down at the notepad in front of me. It had notes scribbled on it but I had no idea what any of it meant. I rubbed my throbbing head. I regretted not paying more attention during class. I couldn't help it though I had a wandering mind.

My phone buzzed again breaking my fragile concentration.

'Jess you were invited to go it would be rude to turn it down. Besides you don't have work later cos today is your day off... AND ASHTON WILL BE THERE!'

Even just reading his name made me smile, made me want to scream at the top of my lungs. I had no idea what had come over me. Gorge had instantly picked up that I was memorized  by Ashton. It wasn't hard to tell. I brought him up in conversation whenever I could.

'Not worth it.' I sent it.

'Yes it is. See you after school'

I began to type my argument but then I gave up.

I would jump off a cliff if I thought I would get a chance to see Ashton.

*

'How's my hair?' Gorge asked, we were meters away from Ashton's house. He'd been given directions to Ashton's and sorted out bus routes. I had not, I repeat, HAD NOT found it on Google maps. 

'Calum's not gay.' My voice harsher than intended. I sighed. I was so nervous. I hadn't planned on coming here today. My hair was a mess and my make up was worn and smudged. I looked disgusting.  

What was I doing here? It was crazy to be here, I didn't even know these guys that well. I felt uncomfortable. Could I turn around now and just run away. They thought I was a psychopath anyway so if I darted in the different direction, 5 foot away from Ashton's door, they probably would have shrugged it off.

But I couldn't. Something inside me made want to stay. The thought of Ashton's gleaming eyes. The thought of Ashton's confident smile. Hope.

Before we got the chance to knock on the door we heard someone call out from the side of the house, 'Around here guys!' 

We looked at each other; both nervous, both desperately hopeful. 

'Hey guys!' Luke said, he held an electric guitar in his hands but still managed a small wave. We walked into the garage that was attached to Ashton's house.

Calum and Ashton spoke at the same time, 'Hi.' 'Hey'

'Is it hi or hey?' Calum turned to Ashton.

He just shrugged. 

'Hello!' Gorge sang, walking over to Calum, embracing him with a hug. I admired how close they got so quickly. I was almost jealous. 

I allowed myself one quick glance at Ashton. I flickered my eyes to his perfectly sculpted face, only to realise his eyes were on me. I panicked and look down at my feet, trying to hid the grin pulling on the corner of my lips.

'Sit down,' Michael ordered us, nodding towards a pile of storage boxes in the corner. 

'Ok,' Gorge said walking over happily to the plastic containers stacked in neat columns. He pulled one out for me and him to sit on. I followed his steps, not trusting my voice to speak with out breaking or say something stupid. I sat down silently beside Gorge on the hard, blue, plastic lid. I was putting all my attention on not doing something ridiculous. I was trying so hard.

I had felt at ease with them in the bar the other night, I was relaxed. Here I was tense and conscious. I made a mental note never to stalk anyone on Facebook again.

*

Band practice was painfully boring. I sat not amused, staring blankly ahead. I couldn't let myself look at Ashton, even just once. It would have been impossible to take my eyes off him if I did.

'Ok guys, take 5, I have to piss!' Calum announced, putting down his bass. 

'Thank God,' Michael said, pulling out what looked like a box of cigarettes. He flipped it open and put one in his mouth before he even got to the door. He was a smoker. Gross.

'Is it good?' Luke asked me, his forehead crinkled with self-doubt. 

'Yeh,' I said, looking up at the blond boy towering over me, 'you guys are getting better. It's hard to believe this is the same band I saw only two weeks ago.'

'Thanks,' he said, nervously rubbing his upper arm. 'I'm really glad you came. It's good to have someone who's been with us all along. You're like, our number one fan.'  He gave me a toothy grin. 

I just nodded and smiled back. Ashton had stood up from behind his drums and was walking towards us. I felt hot under my shirt and my heart rate quickened. Not for the first time around Ashton I found I had to remind myself to breathe. 

'Honestly Jess thanks, and sorry if this is boring, but we really appreciate you coming. Any tips or critics?' Ashton asked, he ran a hand through his thick, curling hair. It feel back down covering most of his forehead. He wore big, thickly framed glasses. His smile caused dimples in his smooth cheeks. He was without a flaw. 

'Do you always were glasses?' I asked. It hit me straight away how stupid that was.

'Would it benefit the band if I didn't?' He said, reaching up to take them off. I sprung to my feet to stop him, without thinking, and pulled him arm from his face. God his forearm was muscular and sculpted. It made me weak the the knees. 

'No please dont!' I begged. What was wrong with me? I'd never normally act like this. I was trying so hard to not make a fool a fool of myself I was making a fool of myself. It was like I was hypnotised or under a spell. My embarrasment was evident from the shade of scarlet my cheeks were painted. 'I mean I, I think that they, um, they're cool. They're cool.'

I flopped back down onto the uncomfortable box I had been sitting on for the past hour. I wanted to slap myself for being so pathetic. Just keep your mouth shut. 

Gorge read me like I was an open book. It wasn't hard, you could get tomatoes in lighter shades of red than my face. He stepped in.

'I think you should do some of your own stuff. Can any of you write?' he asked. His voice calm and easy. I envied his composure.

'I dunno about that,' Ashton laughed looking at Luke who just shrugged. 'We've never tried!'

Gorge nodded, 'I think you should.' His eyes lit up and his lips curled into a big smile. I knew without even taking my eyes from my friends face that Calum had walked back into the room.

*

We stayed in the garage for another two hours. Listening to the same songs they always played over and over. This time, I had began to count the exposed bricks in the walls. I was focused on this, determind to count them all. Some were hidden behind shelves or boxes so I estimated how many were covered.

Gorge kicked my leg to break me from my trance. I shook my head trying to wake myself up.

'You are so uncool,' he pointed out.

'Thanks Captain Obvious.' I wasn't in the mood.

'He likes you, you know.' This caught my attention.

'What? Why do you say that?'

'The way he looks at you, it's the same way you look at him.' Gorge was looking at Ashton. 'He's looking over right now.'

I didn't trust myself to look up. Instead I focused on the laces of my Converse. 'That's because he knows we're talking about him!'

'No it's because there's something about you he cant stop thinking about, even when your not in the room, even late at night when he's in bed. You have something Jess that he likes. It's so obvious.'

I just shook my head, disagreeing.

Something inside me though was burning after that comment though.

Hope.