The Real World |5sos fanfic|

Part 25- Insane

Michael stood stiff as my lips forced his open. I kissed him hungrily as I pulled him as close to me as I could. His hands hovered over my hips, unsure of what to do.

I had no idea what had come over me. As soon as I had started to kiss him I regretted it. I wanted to push him away from me and tell him that this was a horrible mistake. 

But I couldn't. I was stuck to Michael, I couldn't escape this invisible hold he had on me. I wanted more of him than he was giving me.

Michael rested his hand on my waist and then pushed me back, sending me flying. 

'What the fuck are you doing?' he hissed, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. He looked at me with disgust, 'what the hell was that Jess?'

His outburst surprised me, 'But I thought... I thought you wanted this!' I was breathless, I had so desperately tried to get him to kiss me back it had tired me. I was angry at myself but I didn't know why Michael was.

'You thought I wanted this?' he looked appalled. 'Jess you are my best friend's girlfriend. Do you have any idea how messed up this is?'

'But I thought...' my voice weak.

'Jess you didn't think, that's the problem. I can see the way you and Ashton look at each other. You are both in love. All I have to do is say his name and you smile.' He shook his head, 'I didn't want you to fucking kiss me, I wanted you to let me love you and for you feel the same about me. I know you don't though and I know you won't. I'd be insane to think you ever will.'

Nothing made sense. My mind was sorting through an incomprehensible mixture of emotions and thoughts. It was an impossible task trying to describe how I felt.

'I don't love him,' was all I could manage to say. My words trembled as I realized how foolish I'd been. 'Oh Michael, I'm begging you please don't tell Ash about this. I really didn't... I... Please don't tell him.' 

Michael bit his lip and nodded his head, like he was confirming something to himself. 'I won't,' he walked back facing me a few steps. 'But Jess, please realize sooner than later that you love him and stop torturing us both.' He turned and walked off.

My heart ached with every step he took. I was hurting. There was only one person who could stop the pain and make it go away like he always did. It was Ashton. 

*

The rest of the weekend spun by me. I was constantly reminded of what I had done. Every time I spoke to Ashton on my phone, the picture of Michael wiping the traces of my kiss off his face haunted me. I wish I could wipe away my memory that easily.

After work on Sunday he stood at the end of the ally for me. He still insisted on walking me home.

I didn't know what to say apart from, 'hey.' He didn't acknowledge me. We walked in silence the whole way home, he was 5 steps behind me, constantly on his phone, taking long drags out of his cigarette. I thanked him when we reached the main door of the building. He said nothing, simply turning and walking away. He hadn't looked at me once.

*

'Jess what happened to your eye?' Gorge pointed to the healing wound that I had tried to cover with concealer. 

It was Monday after college and I had agreed to meet Gorge in our usual coffee shop. We hadn't seen each other in three days, but it had felt like we had spent a lifetime apart. I had so much news.

'Oh it's... nothing,' I said waving my hand beside my head, 'just, you know.'

'Was it a vase or a shoe this time?' Gorge gave me a knowing look over the rim of his mug.