Devotion (John Seed)

21. Stay

That night, John didn't go to his bedroom. Instead he went straight to Amelia's room, he knew that she would be in bed by now. He swallowed his pride and opened her bedroom door before slipping in and shutting the door behind him. Even in the dark he could she her figure, laying in the bed with his back to him. He didn't know why or how, but he knew that she was awake.

As he walked toward the bed, John kicked off his shoes before sitting on the edge of the bed. "Nightmare?" Amelia asked quietly. John would have thought that she would make fun of him if he came to her after a nightmare but she actually sounded concerned.

"No, I haven't slept yet" John shook his head even though she had her back to him.

"Neither have I...so why are you here?" She asked, it coming out as a mumbled against her pillow.

"Are you really leaving tomorrow?" he asked, sitting against the headboard and staring down at the back of her head.

"Yeah, I am not hanging around to become your pet project. I am only staying for my last warm shower and a night in a comfortable bed" Amelia mumbled as she turned around to face him, he was already sitting beside her and looking down at her. The words tasted awful on her tongue.

"You aren't my 'pet project' Amelia. Listen...when you first came here, when you first stepped into the church I knew that you were different. You were never strictly business or just another person to pull a confession from. When I first brought you here I just wanted to make you confess, I thought that it would be my redemption but it could never just be that...the thing that we have, whatever it is, is real" John assured her, now able to make eye contact.

"You say that but then you will go back to being completely closed off and expecting me to tell you everything" Amelia rolled her eyes as she shifted, sitting up. She sat on the bed, her legs crossed just like her arms, looking at John expectantly. Expecting some sort of poor excuse.

"You're right, it's hard for me to open up to somebody...especially you Amelia" he sighed, adverting his gaze from hers for a moment.

"Then what are we even doing here?" she asked, started to get frustrated and tired of him.

"But I want to tell you, I am going to tell you. I am going to tell you everything" John said, trying to sound confident, as he met her gaze again.

"...alright..." Amelia nodded, her expression softening. She uncrossed her arms and placed her hands on the bed behind her, resting back on them.

"What I said in the bunker, about my parents...it was true. They were my foster parents, they always claimed that my soul was tainted and that there was evil inside of me. At first they just tortured me mentally, to get me to behave and they made me confess all of my sins, but then they became more physical. To beat it out of me. I meant it when I said that they beat me to the point where all I could do was laugh and say 'yes'. After that I looked for other things to say yes to, and I found them" John began to open up and Amelia's face softened completely. She had already been told this but there was always a part of her that thought he was lying to manipulate her.

"I became a successful lawyer and when my foster parents died I inherited a small fortune, I thought it was a reason for celebration. So I bought that bottle of champagne with their money. I knew it wouldn't be enough, so I used their money to throw a party. Alcohol, women, drugs, all things to say yes to" he the turned his attention to his lap, looking down and unable to look her in the eyes. It wasn't hard to see that talking about this was hurting him, Amelia could see the shame on his face.