Devotion (John Seed)

25. Acceptance

The next morning was pretty uneventful, Amelia woke up first and decided to go to the kitchen and make some breakfast. John had woken up and walked down into the kitchen to see her cooking, he smirked to himself before walking towards her silently. She jumped a little when he wrapped his arms around her waist. "Good morning" he purred into her ear.

"Morning John" she smiled as she continued to cook the food, trying her best to ignore his hands that were now resting on her hips and his body that was pressed against her back.

After eating, Amelia cleaned up the kitchen before turning to leave the room only to come face to chest with John. She lifted her gaze from his bare chest to meet his eyes. He chuckled lowly at her shock before tucking her hair behind he ears and leaning down to kiss her, a kiss which she happily returned.

John's hands trailed over her waist, her back, and slowly began to move lower past her hips. Amelia pulled away from the kiss and smiled up at him. "I should get dressed" she cleared her throat before walking past him.

"I don't get it" John blurted out, turning to face her back as she froze in the door way. "I don't understand you" he repeated, crossing his arms over his chest and staring at the back of her head.

"What don't you understand?" Amelia asked, turning to face him slowly. She regretted it instantly, she just wanted to cower away from his confused, angry, annoyed, and hurt expression. Normally she loved how expressive his eyes were...but not this time.

"Why do you keep walking away from me or tensing whenever I touch you?" he asked, hurt flashing across his face again.

"John-" she tried to speak but he wouldn't let her.

"Whenever we get close recently you panic and pretty much run away from me" he stated, beginning to raise his voice. His temper beginning to get the better of him. "Is it because I told you about my past? You think that I'm even more fucked up than before?" he asked, stepping towards her.

"Of course not-" she shook her head.

"Did I say something or do something wrong? Of course I did, that's all I do" he scoffed, approaching her again, she gulped and took a few steps backwards until her back hit the wall. "You where perfectly fine before that night. Was it the church? My family? My past?" he asked, now standing inches away from her.

"No I just-" Amelia began to shake her head, adverting her gaze from his.

"Do I disgust you so much that you can't even pretend to want me near you?" he asked, closing the distance some more.

"John-" she tried to speak again, looking up at him.

"Was any of this even real?" John asked, his anger more than clear now.

"Joh-" her mouth went dry at the close proximity, she just wanted to sink into the wall behind her.

"Have you even told me the truth at all?" he asked, slamming his fist against the wall beside her head, making Amelia flinch.

"Yes Jo-" she nodded, her mouth feeling drier than ever and her legs trembling.

"Why won't you just tell me?" John glared at her, his fist sitting on the wall beside her face.

"Because you won't-" she tried to speak but was only cut off once again.

"Amelia" John growled, his face inches from hers.

"John!" Amelia snapped, trying to snap him out of his rage filled trace so that she could talk. He fell silent and looked down at the deputy expectantly. "Your past doesn't scare me, your family hasn't scared me away, you don't disgust me at all, I haven't lied to you, and this is real" she assured him, still pressing her back against the wall behind her.

"Then why the fuck are you avoiding me?" John asked, now it was hard to tell whether he was angry or just hurt.

"You know that I've never...never...you know" she whispered, hanging her head.

"So? That didn't seem to bother you when we made out in my office. Multiple times" John scoffed, shaking her head.

"But I always knew that it wouldn't go any further than that...now we are closer...more open with each other...I know that you want to...and I'm scared" she admitted, not wanting to fully explain herself.

"Why didn't you just say that?" John asked, laughing softly to himself, as he lifted her chin up to make her meet his gaze.

"Alright...I'm not scared of you or that...I'm scared of myself" she tried to find the confidence to explain her fears. "You're not normal-I don't mean-I just...you are..." she fumbled over her words, trying to find the right ones.

"Sadistic" John stated smoothly, making Amelia look at him with widened eyes. He was more than aware of his more unacceptable pleasures. "Being beaten for years can make something snap inside of you. Yes...I enjoy inflicting pain more than your average person but I won't hurt you" he promised her, caressing her cheek.

"That's the problem...I think that I...want you to hurt me" she confessed, blushing madly.

"Well, maybe I don't know all of your sins. You're a naughty little thing, aren't you?" he asked teasingly with a smirk.

"Stop it" Amelia blushed harder and hung her head again.

John just smiled before lifting her chin up again, pressing his lips against hers gently. "You don't have to be ashamed to tell me these things Amelia. My family and I, none of us are normal. This doesn't change who you are Amelia. It took a lot of time for me to accept every aspect of myself, I hope that you can accept yourself for everything that you are" John whispered against her lips.

"I think I can do that...with you by my side" Amelia smiled, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"Will you stop running from me?" he asked, kissing her softly again.

"I'm not going to run" she promised before kissing him back.

John never pushed her any further that day, he was just glad to know that it wasn't because of him. He could understand her struggle and was quite happy to wait until she was ready. Now that his fear of being rejected by her had been put to rest.

Just want to say THANK YOU to @PBNIKA for making the amazing cover photos for my stories!