Devotion (John Seed)

24. Dark Desires

The pair climbed into the car, John wasn't concerned about their wet clothes ruining his car seats. They would dry. The drive back to the ranch was silent but comfortable, John had subconsciously placed an affectionate hand on Amelia's thigh. He only noticed that he had done it when he felt her tense, instantly, he let out a sigh that came out louder than he intended as he pulled his hand away.

Amelia watched him pull his hand away with a longing and a conflict in her eyes, she swallowed the lump in her throat and her pride before reaching for his hand. She took John's hand in her before placing it back down on her thigh, letting him rest it there. John glanced at her, shocked, before turning his attention back to the road with a small smirk on his lips as he gave her thigh an experimental squeeze. However, he still couldn't help but wonder why she hesitated and tensed so much. She never used to...what has changed?

It didn't seem long before they pulled up at the ranch, both of them climbing out of the car and walking into the building in their damp clothes. They both walked up to the bed room, picking out something dry to wear to bed.

As they both showered and changed separately, Amelia thought about her baptism or her cleansing or whatever they called it here. She knew that she was just submerged under some water, nothing actually happened, but something did feel different. Maybe it was just the power of John's faith and John's belief, but she felt free from her duties. She finally felt as if she was just Amelia Morgan again, not the deputy, she wasn't responsible for the well being of Hope County...she was allowed to be happy, she was allowed to be with John.

Amelia climbed into the bed, enjoying the feeling of the of mattress beneath her and the silk sheets on her skin. John's bed was the closest to heaven Amelia as ever been, and his embrace is almost enough to make her believe in a holy paradise, and his kiss brought her closer to nirvana every time.

She turned her attention to the bathroom door as it open, revealing John who was only wearing a pair of low hanging sweatpants. His chest was still damp from the shower and his hair and beard were still wet, Amelia had to advert her gaze before he caught her staring. The more she thought about it, the more she fell for John. She had never met any one with such sorrow yet so much passion, someone with such expressive eyes that still manage to hide everything, someone who looked that good all the time, she had never met anyone who made her feel that way.

John beamed at her, charming and lovingly like he always seems to be, as he climbed into the other side of the bed. "How does it feel to be clean?" he asked as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled Amelia into his chest.

"Better than I thought it would" she admitted, resting her head on his chest as he ran his hand up and down her waist.

"I'm glad to hear that, darling" he kissed the top of her head. There it was again, that nickname. Amelia wondered if he had any idea what it did to her. Of course John knew.

John's hand slipped under her top and Amelia instantly tensed, she began to relax once she realised that his hand was just resting there as they both fell asleep.

John hated how she tensed like that, how she didn't seem to want him to touch her. It actually hurt him, made his chest tighten in the most awful way possible, but he loved the feeling of his bare skin against hers. So soft and warm. Of course he wouldn't force anything on her and he knew that she had never been intimate with another man before but he still wished that she would just give herself to him, in every way possible.

Amelia was well aware of John's advances and every little touch or word made her stomach twist in a pleasant way, a way that she wasn't familiar with. It wasn't that she wasn't attracted to John, how couldn't she be attracted to him, or that she didn't trust him, they had both completely opened up to each other, but there was other issues. She knew that he was experienced in that department, he has made that clear, but she was the complete opposite. She understood why that would make her nervous...but something scared her. It wasn't John himself that scared her, it was what he awakened within her.

Amelia thought back to the day that John carved the sins into her flesh and the sweet sting of the blade, the intoxicating burn of the metal dragging...the stinging but sense of relief when John licked across the wound. The memory made her shiver but not in pain or fear...

John had awoken something within Amelia, or perhaps it was already there. She already had a feeling that John would bring that side of himself into the bedroom and the thought actually exited Amelia, which scared her a little...she didn't understand it. She knows that John is a sadist, everyone knows that, but could she be a masochist? Maybe she was just for John? Were these desires normal or was she just as messed up as the Seeds? Her lack of experience accompanied with these new feelings, desires and factors just confused the poor deputy.

She wondered if John could help her understand it, if he would be willing to help her through it. She knew that he would be more than happy to help...but she couldn't just talk to him about something like that.

The way that John speaks to her and touches her makes her want to pull him into her and never let him go, she wants him to take her, but she keeps holding herself back. If only she knew how much it pained John to receive even the smallest amount of rejection from her.

Sorry for the uneventful chapter!

QUESTION:
For a Joseph Seed story, would you guys prefer a story set after the bunker ending or one where he meets a singer/songwriter and becomes a little bit obsessed with her (not an unhealthy relationship though) ? Just working with a few thoughts and would like your opinion.