A/N hey guys, so this could be a long chapter, it will be the start of Gerard's substance abuse. If you guys are sensitive to this stuff I suggest not reading this. And yes I'm aware the substance abuse didn't start until he was older but this is fictional. But I guess this is a trigger warning, so you've been warned *sinister music plays* stay strong my lovelies!
Gerard's POV
"Oh Frankie" I enveloped him in a warm hug. I felt him shaking a bit, most likely crying.
"It's okay..shh..it's gunna be okay" I rocked the crying boy in my arms, kissing the top of his head. We eventually went down to my bedroom, and fell asleep together.
I woke up and realized Frank was still sleeping. I really needed some damn coffee. I checked my phone and realized it was 12:34 A.M. We slept for 9 hours. I brushed it off and walked upstairs. I started the coffee pot, and leaned against the counter rubbing my eyes. I looked around the kitchen, a familiar looking orange bottle caught my attention. I picked it up, reading the note underneath it.
"Gerard, these are your anti depressants, I picked them up at the pharmacy yesterday due to Franks instructions. I forgot to give you them yesterday, follow instructions on the bottle Xx -Mikey" the note read. I looked at the white label, take two every morning when I wake up. Oh joy, fucking happy pills. I just sighed and poured my coffee into a mug, downing the pills with my coffee. I sat down at the table, with my hands wrapped around the warm mug of coffee, staring off into oblivion. For the first time in years, I didn't feel completely empty, useless, broken, I just felt, okay. I heard footsteps walking up the stairs, and the familiar smell of cigarette smoke. Frank entered the kitchen, sitting down next to me leaning onto my shoulder.
"Good morning Gee, did you take your meds?"
"Yes" I sipped on my coffee.
Time skip~~
Gerard's POV
Frank and I sat cuddled on the couch, when he got a phone call.
"Hello?"
"Wha-what!? Okay. Okay I'm coming." he hung up the phone.
"Gerard I need to go. I.. I love you." He kissed me and he left.
Sadness swept over me like a storm. I felt lonely, why did he have to go? oh my god what if his dad beats him up again!? What if something terrible happens.. I was terrified. I didn't know what to do. I started pacing back and forth, running a hand through my hair. I ran into the kitchen, turning on the coffee pot. I found myself pacing around again, unsure on what to do. I saw my parents liquor cabinet.. maybe a few sips will help me relax? I ripped open the cabinet, pulling out a bottle of booze. I took a swig, wincing at the burning feeling in my throat. I sat down, taking another big swig. I took more and more, feeling buzzed, and the burning sensation becoming more and more natural. Eventually I had drank the whole bottle, smoked a pack and a half of cigarettes, and found myself crying. What if Frank left me.. what if it wasn't a phone call and he's making an excuse to leave me... I thought he loved me though.. oh
Gerard hush up, nobody loves you...
No. Frank wouldn't leave me.. would he?
Of course he would your fat and disgusting.
No no no.. the voices are coming back to me.. the only thing I knew how to do, was pain. I only knew pain, and violence as the answer. I grabbed a second bottle of booze and another pack of smokes, and headed up to my room. I opened the small box stashed under my bed, selecting my 'temporary happiness'. I slowly lifted my sleeve, my hands shaking uncontrollably, tears flooding my face and falling to my arms like rain on a windshield. I took the blade to my wrist, I wanted to feel pain, I wanted it to ache, and burn, because I deserved it, I wanted it to hurt. I pressed deep but I couldn't feel that ache and pain, I pressed deeper, harder, eventually getting the satisfaction I wanted. I watched as the hot, sticky liquid poured from the fresh wound. I smiled, I smiled at the pain. I put the blade away and examined what I had done. It was deep, it would leave a nasty scar, but that's okay nobody would care if they saw it. I downed the second bottle of booze and smoked my last pack of cigarettes. Eventually, I fell asleep clutching the poison and cigarettes.
A/N I'm so sorry it's short!!! Wattpad deleted half of this chapter, so I had to re write it and I didn't want to keep you guys waiting, new chapter coming soon ^-^
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Trust me, I'm okay. (Frerard)
FanfictionGerard way is an 18 year old, longing desperately to be out of high school. For as long as he can remember he's hated himself, wishing to live in a fantasy world- forgetting reality. When the mystery boy Frank shows up- they instantly hit it off, bu...
