All I Ever Wanted

Chapter Ten

Tears stream down my face but I don't care. Why should I? My clothes are sodden and dirty but I barely acknowledge the fact. I stand up and limp across the car park with my useless leg trailing behind me. Each step should cause unthinkable pain but I feel nothing.

But all this is just a distraction to what I'm thinking. My mother abandoned me.

The tears come thicker. They cloud my vision until everything is but a blur. The clouds that hover above me spill, as if echoing my mood. I limp along in the thunderstorm blinded by my emotion. The wet tendrils of hair curl around my face. I'm freezing cold but my body registers nothing but pain.

Not the pain coming from my leg. That's the last thing on my mind. A different type of pain. A worse type of pain. I guess no matter what my mother did I always had a little bit of hope. Hope that maybe she loved me too.

I laugh bitterly through tears and rain. She never loved me and she never will. Hope is gone.

I have no idea where I'm going. I'm just walking aimlessly, well limping actually. But what's the point? What am I going to accomplish? I don't need to protect my sister anymore, she has our father and maybe our mother. What else do I really want other than my sister to be happy? Nothing. It's all I've wanted for so long. Ever since she was just a small bump. Now she has a dad and a mom - who isn't constantly drunk - she could have a happy family. Without me.

I realise my mothers problems are my fault. I ruined my sisters life. I curl up into a little heap and cry. For my sister and for me. For all the things we never had. For all the things I never will have. But she will. She'll have all those things I want for her and myself. With this one hope I fall asleep in the pouring rain.

When morning comes I'm disoriented. I have no idea why I'm here or where I am. Memories come flooding back and only then do I realise I'm cold and stiff. I stretch out each limb one by one, excluding my right leg which is fixed in an straight line, although the cast is very waterlogged.

Passers-by don't seem to notice me. Actually some do but no one cares enough to stop, or even to ask what is wrong.

Then a lady with red hair saunters down the street. She's hand in hand with two small children one boy and one girl. The girl looks over at me surprised. "Auntie." She tugs the Ladys arm and points in my direction. The Lady looks and her eyes widen in concern when she see's me.

"You two go wait in the car." She orders firmly. She watches as the kids run up the street and jump into a car I presume to be hers.

Then she turns to me sympathy but not pity in her blue eyes. There's a difference. She holds out a hand at I accept it. She pulls me to my feet I'm led back to her car. I can't find my voice to thank her. Why is she being so nice to me?

I say quietly "You don't have to do this."

She looks at me and says sincerely "I want to." I guess it's nice to find someone who cares. I sit in the front seat of the car and look out of the window. The streets pass and I listen to the quiet hum of the engine.

Before I know it we're in her apartment. She looks over me worriedly. "I'm going to get a first aid kit." She informs.

She leaves the room and I'm questioned by curious kids who are around my age. "What happened?" The girl asks.

I think about how to answer my question. I couldn't exactly tell her the truth. She probably seven years old. One year less than me, but it feels like a much more significant gap. I guess I had to grow up faster. "Someone was mean to me." I settle on.

This seems to settle her curiosity. The boy asks me "I'm Abe and this is Mia. He points at the girl. What's your name?" Abe seems to be around five years old, but quite serious.

"Emma." I answer. His question is much more simplistic. I decide to add a little more, "I'm eight." He nods at me before Layla comes in.

"Hey you two! Stop bothering our guest!" She warns. They nod meekly and scamper off into the next room. She looks at me "Don't worry. I used to be a nurse. I'm just going to fix your cast."

I doze in and out of sleep while she fixes me up. The conscious part of my brain thanks her aloud every now and then but she brushes it off with a kind word or smile. When I'm fully conscious. I'm curled up on the sofa and an aroma that smells suspiciously like pancakes enters my nose.

Memories flood my mind. It was not long ago I was tossing pancakes with my mother and sister. I remember tossing the pancake one last time. Then it hit the floor and mother got mad. As she always inevitably does. I shake it off. There gone and there's nothing I can do about it. I can't help but wonder what will happen to me now. Probably I'll live in a care home until I get fosterd or adopted. I shudder at the thought and step into the kitchen.

The smell of pancakes becomes even stronger as I slowly make my way towards the table. I can't move very fast with my leg like it is. Abe and Mia sit next to each other at the table. A pile of pancakes sit in the middle of the table. Mia grabs a pancake drenches it in lemon juice, sugar and chocolate spread. Abe sprinkles his pancake with sugar, rolls it up and cuts it into tiny pieces. I look at Layla questioningly. She nods and I sit opposite Abe and steal a pancake from the middle of the table. I cover it with chocolate spread, roll it up and take little nibbles out of the corner. I don't particularly like the food but I don't want to be impolite.

I wonder how long the peacefulness is going to last before the questions start. When they ask me, what would I say? The truth? But I've never told anyone the truth. I don't know how

I look up to see that Abe and Mia have left the room. Layla is looking at me questioningly. She asks softly, "What happened."

Looks like I'll have to tell her sooner than I thought. I take a deep breath. Where to start? I decide to tell her the bare minimum. "I was in hospital." Tears spring to my eyes and I breathe deeply. I never cry. Yesterday will be the first and last time. Layla waits patiently. "My mother wanted to leave but my sister insisted on waiting. As soon as I woke up my mother took me to the car. I..." My calm voice falters. I carry on in an uninterested tone. "I fell over. She got into the car with my sister. I stood up but someone pushed me back down. They drove off without me, and there not coming back." The only time my voice showed emotion was the last line where my voice dropped to a mere whisper.

Laylas face looks calm but her eyes blaze with anger. I wonder what she's thinking. Eventually she speaks "What do you want to do?"

I'm throw off by her question. "What do you mean?"

She answers "Do you want to stay here for a while or tell social services?"

I can't believe she's being so kind to me. I never really thought about what I wanted, I never thought I'd have a choice. "Can I stay here for a while?" I ask her this because I'm not ready just yet. I can't tell everyone what happened without little ng down my unstable barriers. There my protection against everything bad that's ever happened to me. If they fall down the tears would escape.