All I Ever Wanted

Chapter Forty-One

I let the knife clatter to the floor. 

I remember why I didn't call the police before. The reasons run through my head. Actually reason. There's only one. Me and Phoebe would get split up. Again. But now, why should I care? I don't  anymore. 

I look blindly ahead. Not seeing anything.

I hear sirens. I feel myself being pulled away. But nothing registers. I can't feel anything. I'm numb. Like in the snow without gloves. So cold it feels numb. But then it becomes past numb. It becomes painful. And I know the worst is yet to come. But for now it's okay. I let the numbness overcome me.

I wake in a grey bed, with gray sheets and gray walls. Probably some kind of mental institution, it's not like many people think I'm sane anymore. I sigh not bothering to move. I know the drill, and I can't care less about it. Honestly. I see a flash of pink out of the corner of my eye. I sit up and pay attention to the only speck of colour in the room. 

"Hi!" A voice exclaims. "I'm Anne-Lee but most people me Lee. I prefer  that." Oh great, why do I get a talker of a room mate? I remember my room mate last time. A young girl called Rhianna, I think. She requested a room change after three days. Maybe I'm not the most welcoming person ever.

I take notice of her side of the room. It's extraordinarilly pink. Pink sheets, pink pillows, pink walls, one pink curtain. The other one gray. In fact the room looks split in two. Her side pink, my side gray. Of course she also has personal things like a teddy bear and a notebook. 

I rudly ignore the girl beyond caring. I get up and walk to the window. I sigh in relief when I see it looks out on the outside world. We're on the second floor. This is smaller than last time by the looks of it. Before it was very clinical, straight forward. This time it at least seems kid friendly. I wonder if Phoebe is here?

I remember last time. The local children's care home only had one space left, Phoebe got it because she was younger and I was sent away. 

I turn around and face my room mate. New begining, new start. Might as well make the most of it. Not sure who I'm fooling because I'm not even fooling myself. I might as well try. "Hey, I'm Emma." I give her a falsified smile.

She smiles genuinely back. "Why are you here? I'm here because I was looked after by my grandad, but then he died." Her face falls. "But its great here!" She adds cheering up again. "Plus I finally have a roommate! Why are you here again?"

"I'm here because..." Why am I here? I simplify it a bit "My parents were deemed unfit to care for me." I tell her.

"No grandparents huh? That's a bummer." She frowns. "But, the Lord moves in mysterious ways!" I snort loudly. Yup, she pretty much got that right. I must have done something extraordinarily bad in another life to get my father as a dad. If you can call him that. Lee continues to speak "Your parents must have sucked. Are they like, in jail?"

I roll my eyes. I highly doubt either of my parents are in jail. My mother could plead insanity if my fathers fancy pants solicitor didn't get them out of this little mess. Not really sure where my father got all of his money from but he sure has a lot of it. I just tell Lee "I highly doubt that." 

Lee asks "Why not?"

I debate whether to answer her question truthfully. Its not like my little revelation would scar her for life. "Father is rich."

She nods in understanding. "Last girl I shared a room with was pathetic. Her Daddy got arrested so she came here. She was fourteen I think. She was horrible, her dad was rich too. Good job your not like that." I nod at her idle chatter. 

 I remember my last room mate. "My last room mate was Rhianna." I say unthinkingly.

Lee looks at me in surprise "You come from another care home?"