All I Ever Wanted

Chapter Eleven

The sunlight filters through the blinds and shines beautiful patterns on the wall. I smile. It takes me a moment to realise my sister is not asleep next to me. I look up across the room to see if for once she lies in her own bed. But there is no bed. I realise I'm not in my own room but in the guest bedroom of a kind lady with blue eyes.

Tears don't spring to my eyes as I remember the previous days. I feel like I have no tears to cry. Not a drop of moisture to spare. I try not to feel any emotion towards the events because this newfound peace won't last long. But strangely the only feeling I have is one of loneliness. I miss my sister.

I'm starting to second guess myself. Perhaps it would be better if I stayed? Perhaps I'm just feeling sorry for myself? No, if I was feeling sorry for myself wanting to go back. Going back wouldn't help Phoebe. At first she might miss me but soon she will forget me and I'll be a distant figure she doesn't really know. But just because I know it's for the best, doesn't mean I have to like it. If I see her again I know my resolve will crumble.

I roll out of bed and dress in the same clothes as yesterday for I have nothing else to wear. I rub the sleep from my eyes and run my fingers through my hair. I glance in the mirror and decide it will do. I emerge warily from the bedroom.

I walk down the short hall mulling over what will happen now. I feel like I fell off a tightrope, losing hope as I sailed towards the ground. Then at the last moment I was caught by someone. Sure it still hurts like hell, but its not as bad as it could have been. If that person didn't catch you it would have been a whole lot worse.

I open the kitchen door slowly. Sitting at the table is Layla. She holds a cup of steaming tea with both hands. Gently she blows on the liquid and it ripples. "Hey." She greets quietly.

"Hi." I answer in a hushed voice. I'm not sure why she's talking quietly but my voice automatically lowers in volume to match hers.

I busy myself making breakfast. Surveying the room I search for the cupboard most likely to hold cereal. I open it and take out a box of Cheerio's. I place them on the table as I walk to the fridge. I grab everything else I need and spread it on the table.

Only now do I notice I brought out two bowls and spoons. One for me, one for Phoebe. I stare at them my hands shaking. I will probably never see my little sister ever again. I take a deep breath and continue making breakfast like nothing happened. I peek at Layla through a curtain of hair to see if she noticed, she has. Then she says, "If you got those for me thanks, but I already ate."

I sigh with relief. She just unknowingly gave me an excuse for my behaviour. I nod calmly but I want to shout and scream and cry. I'll never see Phoebe again. I finish eating, put the extra bowls away and wonder what to do for the rest of the day.

Maybe I should go for a out for a while. "Layla, I'm going for a walk." I inform her. She nods in response and I head outside. I don't grab anything because I don't have anything. I head out into the wind, above me grey clouds hover but it don't think it will rain. For a lack of a better place to go, I head towards the park.

Upon reaching the park I open the creaky gate. It protests loudly as I enter the park and several people turn to look at me. I feel there stares on me as I walk slowly forwards. The wind swishes my hair around my face but I don't swipe it back behind my ears. I'm uncomfortable from the amount of people looking at me, but I don't let it show. I don't know why there looking at me but I pretend it's not happening as I sit on the swing. I can't really do much else, because of my leg. It surprises me that I've barely noticed it all day.

I gaze across the park. I catch the eye of every person looking at me and embarrassed they turn away. When all eyes have turned away I survey the park. A couple sit at a bench anxiously watching a little girl. I presume this to be there child. I feel happy for the girl who has these parents. Parents she probably takes for granted.

My gaze swings to a little boy who has fallen over. He cry's as several people help him up. Finally my stare rests on a couple. The woman looks up at the man adoringly. The man in question looks across to their little girl. The girl is pretty. She looks a lot like me, she has the same blonde, curly hair. When she looks up her blue eyes meet mine. Phoebe. My eyes widen. Phoebe. It's her, she's really here.

Maybe it's not her? Maybe it's just another little girl with blonde curly hair, blue eyes and feature strikingly similar to Phoebe's? And maybe pigs fly. I could never mistake Phoebe for anyone.

Even as the thought crosses my mind I race towards to her. She looks at me hopefully like she can't believe what she's seeing. I reach her and hug her close to me. My worries of the last few days fly away. They don't matter anymore. I ruffle up her curls that immediately spring back in place. I want to laugh at the familiarity of the action. I kiss the top of my sister head. I want to never let her go.