Tears of a Clown

28

"You know what, fuck it!" Olivia yelled. "You are one selfish son of a bitch and if I never see your ass again, that'll be too soon. All I asked was that you hear me out, a simple phone call, but I promise I won't call you again!"

Olivia had lost count of all the times she had reached out to Gunna. After the third time, she promised herself no more, but she couldn't give up without a fight. Now though, now she was just fed the fuck up. If he didn't want to talk she wouldn't force him to.

Storming back inside the house Olivia looked up into Laila's face. "No luck?" Lai asked, already knowing the answer.

Olivia shook her head while wiping away tears, "No. And quite frankly, I'm done trying. It is what it is at this point."

"Olivia-"

"Lai, don't. Please don't make excuses for him. He's a grown ass man and he should conduct himself as such. It shouldn't take another grown person to convince him to do anything."

Lai sighed, throwing her hands up in defeat. "Fine," she gave in.

The day had already been emotionally draining being that they had a memorial service for Sherrod's mom. After Gunna identified the body they released her to Lai and she put together a nice service for Sherrod to say his final goodbye. Opting out of a burial, Laila had the body cremated and the ashes put in a nice urn.

"I'm gonna go speak with Sherrod and then I'll be out of your hair. I'll be back to get him after I handle some business in the morning," Olivia sighed. She was more than ready to strip out of her dress and curl up in bed, but she had to make sure Sherrod was good.

Lai nodded. "That's fine. The physical therapist is stopping by to assess Silas in the morning. His wounds are still a little sore, but I want him to exercise his muscles so they don't die out."

"Call and let me know how it goes."

Laila nodded as she watched Olivia head up the stairs towards Sherrod's bedroom. She couldn't help but shake her head at how stubborn both Liv and Gunna were.

Olivia tapped on Sherrod's door before peeking her head inside. "Can I come in?" She asked, he nodded in response.

Sherrod sat up in bed and made room for Olivia to sit down. He was still wearing the black slacks and button down that he wore for the service. Olivia was worried because Sherrod hadn't shared one tear since finding out about the death of his mother. She knew their backstory, but she also knew that this had to evoke some type of emotion inside him. Even if it was just anger, it was imperative that he expressed something.

"How are you feeling?" Oliva asked, taking a seat next to Sherrod. He shrugged. "It's alright to admit that you feel something Sherrod, she was your mom."

Sherrod turned towards the window facing his bed and stared out of it. Olivia thought about leaving and giving him his space until she saw a tear slip down his cheek.

"Is it bad that I'm happy she's gone?" He asked just above a whisper.

"... It's not bad per say, but..."

"She wasn't always like that, but when she was, she was a terrible mom. Sometimes I used to pray that she'd die, that way I wouldn't have to see her like that or snatch needles from her arm in the middle of the night. You think I'm the reason? You think she died because of me?"

Olivia fought back her own tears as she listened to Sherrod talk. "I don't think that. I think that God sees everything that we go through and understands that sometimes we may say things we don't mean out of hurt or anger. I believe that your mom loved you, but she was too sick to show it. It's ok if you love her back, and it's also important that you forgive her. She may not have been perfect, but she made it possible for you to be in the perfect situation. A few weeks after you went away I got her to sign over her rights. She cried and thanked me over and over again for trying to give you a better life. She wanted that for you. She knew she didn't have the means to give you that, so she gave up her rights to someone that could. That was the ultimate love and sacrifice. So whatever ill feelings you're harboring in your heart, let it go. Let it go knowing that no matter what your mom loved and wanted what's best for you."