Life Long Letters - a Matthew Espinosa Fanfiction

Chapter 25

“What do you mean ‘kill himself’?” I asked and the tears started coming down my cheek.
“I’m sorry but I thought you should know.” She said quietly.
“Mahogany. What. Do. You. Mean. ‘Kill. Himself’?” I asked with anger in my voice. I didn’t care if I came off as rude or mean, I had to know.
“He… He-“ she started and then took a deep breath. “He took some pills…” she breathed out quietly. I felt my heart going back through my body, up into my ears. My heart beating incredibly fast. The kind of fast, where you feel the beat in all of your veins.
“Does Belle know?” I asked. She didn’t reply.
“Does Belle know?” I repeated, slightly angrier.
“No…” she said slowly and looked down on her fingers, which were busy braiding into each other. “We never told her.” She said and kept looking at her fingers.
“I-I’m sorry Mahogany. I have to go see him.” I said and stood up. After walking a few steps, I heard her voice from behind.
“Hey! You better hurry… You know, first his brother, then this. He might be falling apart again.”
Hearing her say that, made me feel worried. It made me forget about the cheating, and focus on the  living. I could handle cheating… But I couldn’t handle death.
I ran across the road, and on the way a few fans spotted me. They started running after me, which just made me run faster. I got to the hotel and quickly went to the elevator. I pressed the button, which took me to his floor. I ran down the long, quiet hallway. I knocked on his door frequently, but he never opened. I tried feeling if it was locked, it wasn’t. I opened it slowly. Kind of like in a horror movie, when the door is open even though it shouldn’t be. I walked on weak legs into his room, feeling the panic building up inside of me.
“Matt?” I asked but didn’t get an answer. I walked a few steps further in, but saw no one. Then I took a glimpse at the bathroom door. It was opened, but not much. I slowly opened it more, heard it creaking. What I saw, was something I didn’t want to see. Matt was lying passed out on the floor. He had an orange bottle in his hand. It all just came out. All the emotions I’d been building up, was coming out. I crashed down on my knees, and held his head in my hands.
“HELP!” I screamed the loudest I could. It wasn’t so easy, considering I was crying at the same time.
“HELP!” I tried again.

Tear, after tear came down my nose and landed on his cold skin. I was stroking his hair gently and shaking his face, hoping he’d wake up. Maybe this was all just some twisted dream. My heart had stopped beating and the make-up was ruined under my eyes. My hair was a complete mess due to the amount of times I pulled my hands through it.
“Please wake up. Please wake up. Please wake up.” I repeated quietly with tears still dripping down my face.
“HELP!” I screamed one more time in between the ‘please-wake-up’s’. In the same moment, Nash rushed into the bathroom.
“Oh my God.” He said quietly.
“Call 911.” I said, and looked at him. He just stood there. “CALL 911 NASH” I almost screamed. He took out his phone and dialed 911 with shaky hands. He had the phone to his ear while he pulled his free hand through his hair. While he was crying and talking to 911, I was just sitting there. Wobbled back and forth with him in my arms. There were no tears left, so now I just placed soft kisses on his forehead and whispered “Wake up babe. Come on, wake up.” I sat there the whole time, even when the ambulance arrived. They connected him to all of these wires and bags and medical stuff. I was in shock, so I just sat there and watched him being carried away.
“Y/N. Go with him. Go. Y/N.” I heard Nash say, but it was all so blurry and unclear. Unknowingly I followed them to the ambulance but then got into Nash’s car. We followed the ambulance to the hospital.
“He’s gonna be okay. He will be okay.” I whispered to myself when I saw the hospital. Nash looked at me with his ice blue eyes. They weren’t as blue anymore. They were more gray, than blue.

As we got to the emergency room, I jumped out of the car and ran to the ambulance. When I saw Matt lying on the stretcher, I just fell apart. Emotionally speaking. The floods came down my cheeks again and I took his hand in mine. I remembered the first time I ever held his hand. It was the same feeling now, as then. We got inside and a voice said;
“You have to stay here” I heard it very unclear, as if everyone was moving in slow-motion and the only thing I could hear was my own heart beating in my chest. She held me back from trying to get back to Matt’s hand. I just wanted to go back to his hand.