Life Long Letters - a Matthew Espinosa Fanfiction

Chapter 26

I spend 24, sleepless hours in the waiting room. I hadn't heard a thing from the doctors, since I got here. I thought about our times together. The first time I found his letter to Belle. The first time I saw him outside my doorstep. When I saw him at the Plaza on the day of Shawn's first performance. The talk we had outside that night. Him following me home without me knowing. How he wrote a letter to me which I got mad at him for, because I thought he wrote it to Belle. I thought about that time we met in the cafeteria and our first date. When I met his mother and all the times we'd watched 21 Jump Street. I thought about when he came running across the field because he wanted to tell me something. The time he got mad at me for taking Ryan's penny, which I still understand why he got mad for. When he told me about Ryan's coma that night after the game, in the pouring rain. Our first kiss. Our first 'I love you'. I thought about it all.

I called Julie, Katherine and Connor, but none of them picked up. So I called Shawn.

"Hey, Y/N! I'm so glad you called, listen I'm really sorry about what happened that night, okay I jus-" he said but I cut him off.

"Matt is in the hospital." I said quietly and I was surprised my voice even worked after not using it for more than crying during the last 24 hours.

"Wh- What... What happened?" he asked and it all got quiet. It was quiet in the waiting room and it was quiet on the phone.

"He tried killing himself... I think." I said, basically because I didn't know if that was what he really did.

"Is he going to be okay?" he asked and that's when I burst down in tears again. Just as I was about to tell him I didn't know, I didn't know anything, I didn't even know if he was alive at the moment. In that moment, a doctor walked over to me.

"Listen, Shawn, I gotta go. I'll text you." I said quickly and then hung up. I wiped away the tears from my cheeks and stood up.

"Y/N?" he asked and I weakly nodded. "Matt is in recovery." He said and I waited for some more info. "We will keep him for observation for a few days, but he should be able to go home by the end of the week." He said and turned around.

"Uhm... Can I see him?" I asked and sobbed.

"Of course sweetie. He's in room 308." He said and smiled a sincere smile at me. I took my sweater in my hand and started walking towards his room. 305. 306. 307. 308. I took a deep breath and then looked inside the door's window. There he was. Dressed in one of those white hospital outfits, covered with a blanket. His eyes were shut, but at least now I knew it wasn't forever. I put a hand on the handle and as I opened up, it all went quiet. It was like all of the thoughts running in my head just suddenly disappeared. It was as if my heart stopped beating. Like the power went out in me. It was silent. I closed the door behind me but never once did I stop looking at him. I slowly walked over to him. Seeing him like this, broken but peaceful, made me remember the way his brother looked. It was scary, actually, seeing the similarities between Matt and Ryan. The way they both looked so peaceful.

I sat with him. I didn't care if I hadn't slept for 25 hours. I wanted to be there when he woke up. But after 28 hours of no sleep, I just couldn't keep them open anymore.

I woke up after a while. I had my head on his bed and my hand was still locked together with his.

"Good morning sleepy." I heard his raspy voice say. I quickly lift my head and looked at Matt. He was awake. I started crying and I didn't know what to do, so I just hugged him.

"Don't ever do this to me, ever again." I said between the sobs. I removed a bit of hair from my face and then kissed his lips. "Ever." I repeated. He smiled a crooked smile and stroke my hair.

"I thought I lost you." His smile turned into tears and I felt my heart being crushed in my chest.

"But I'm here now. Matt, I'm here." I said and smiled with tears on my cheeks. "We should, uh, I should go get a nurse." I said and wiped away the tears.