What It Feels Like (a boyxboy)

Randy

Sam

I cannot believe I'm actually crying right now. Who the hell cries over something like this?

Never in my life have I been more embarrassed. I thought the mac n cheese incident was bad, but this is worse. This made me look like an actual nutcase. Oh, and to top it all off, I'll be bringing him to college with me! What are the chances that this beautiful Leo would prance into my life just so he can see how pathetic I am, then follow me across the state to pursue his education for the next four years!

It's been over twenty-four hours since the incident, but I'm still crying over it because this is who I am. Just as my tears stop flowing, I hear my mom call from the kitchen. "Sam, can you come here for a second?"

I immediately smell brownies. My mom is wearing her oven mitts. My mom is baking. My mom hasn't baked since my Dad.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm making brownies for the new neighbors. They-" My mom stops mid-sentence when she turns around to face me. "Are you crying?"

"No," I say blankly.

"Were you crying?"

I just shrug in response. I know my mom feels immense guilt when she's knows I'm not doing well. This is a unique situation, so I'm sure she'll be too surprised by my reasoning to feel guilty.

"Sammy baby, what's up?" My mom steps over to me, a familiar worried expression smeared all over her face.

My relationship with my mother is fragile. Not because we don't get along,  but because we're both alone. I feel like we've become leftovers, and we don't really know how to be a family like that.  When my mom is upset, the last thing I need her to know is that I'm upset too. We are so much alike that we feed off of each other's grief. Kind of a toxic situation haha.

   Thankfully, my mom seems to be in a good mood right now. It's a good sign when she's baking. I feel like I need to talk to her about my current situation because I cannot keep my embarrassment to myself. And Dara and Michael would rip me apart if I told them, I'd never hear the end of it.

   "I met one of the new neighbors, Leo," I tell her.

   "Oh you did? I couldn't find you when they stopped by, he seems like a nice kid."

   "Yeah, well I kinda messed up," I mutter, putting my hands over my face and sitting on the stool in front of me.

   "You're crying because of him?" My mom stopped moving and tilted her head. She looks so worried.

    I sigh. "I sorta met him at Sunny's the other day...and I spilled his mac n cheese and it was so embarrassing." I'm talking quickly and I realize my mom is getting more nervous. I take a deep breath and continue. "So when he came over yesterday I panicked and I jumped out the window-"

   "What the hell, Sam?" my mom gasps.

    "And so I stayed there on the ground until I knew they were gone but he found me laying there and we talked and it was just super embarrassing and I was just all flustered and out of control and he was so nice but I was being so weird." My rambling is out of control.