What It Feels Like (a boyxboy)

Questions and pink cheeks

Leo

I should wake her up before I leave. But I'm annoyed. And she's probably even more annoyed.

"Hey," I whisper, tapping Molly on the shoulder. "I need to go to swim practice."

"Oh. Okay," she mutters. She rolls over and looks at me. "I feel like shit."

"Me too." My head is pounding from how much alcohol I consumed last night. Unfortunately the events from last night flood back to me. I hoped I would forget.

"Last night was weird," Molly comments as she stands up from the bed.

"I know, I'm sorry all that happened. It's kind of confusing." And I do feel bad, but I am also annoyed at her despite the fact that I shouldn't be.

"Eh it's alright. Maybe just leave Sam here next time?"

Her comment annoys the hell out of me, but I have the strength to ignore it.

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After practice, I decide to call Sam. I would have contacted him first thing, but he was definitely still sleeping. 

"Hello?" Sam answers groggily. His voice is sweet-sounding, especially in the morning.

"Hey, can I come over soon? I just got out of practice."

"Sure. I gotta hop in the shower. Let me know when you're here."

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Sam opens the door almost immediately after I knocked. "I'm so sorry about last night," he blurts out in a rushed manner.

"Woah, Sam, it's okay," I tell him with intention of calming him down.

His hair is wet and his cheeks are flushed. He's got on a cute shirt with the outline of a puppy's face. So funny.

"Sorry, I just feel bad." He looks down at the floor.

"It's alright," I say, stepping into his room. "I shouldn't have left you."

"I was okay, I just got drunk and it was fine. Until I sat in the bathtub for a few hours. Also, a girl tried to hit on me," Sam laughs.

A pang of jealousy runs through me, which I have no right to feel. "Well did you guys talk? Or get her info or anything?"

Sam looks confused for a second. "Oh. No. I didn't do any of those things."

"Why not?"

"Because I didn't want to?" He looks annoyed as if I am being too nosy. 

I shouldn't have asked those things, I don't want him to assume I'm jealous or anything like that. I still worry that he might know I am crushing on him. Whatever. 

"Umm so wanna hang out for a bit?" I ask awkwardly, hoping he'll just be okay with it. I don't want to talk about this anymore. 

"Yeah," he says. "We can watch something." 

I laugh when he turns on Say Yes to the Dress. Of course he would. 

"What?" Sam smiles, "It calms me down."

We sit on his bed in silence for a little bit. The tension between us, or just what seems like tension to me increases when our arms touch. Every single time. 

Sam turns to look at me. "So, what exactly are you and Molly?"

I'm not sure how to answer this. "Um, I guess we are casually dating, but I wouldn't call her my girlfriend...I don't know."

"So you're just fucking," Sam replies bluntly. 

"Yeah I guess," I shrug. 

"So like do you have any feelings for her?"

"I'm not sure. Maybe eventually, but I'm not sure where it's going."

"Hm," says Sam. "I don't think I could do that."

"Why not?" I'm curious about this conversation. I've never heard Sam talk about his own romantic history. I know he's never kissed anyone, but he never talks about wanting to.

"I think I would catch feelings for someone really quickly."

I don't know how to respond, so I just wait for him to say more. 

"Maybe it's because I've never been with anyone before. Or even kissed anyone."

"That makes sense," I say. "I catch feelings easily too, but it's hard to when I already like someone else."

"You like someone else?" Sam asks, almost surprised. WHy the fuck did I say that? It just slipped out, I wasn't even thinking.

"I mean not really, I guess I'm just not in the state to feel anything for Molly. I guess that's what I'm trying to say." That was a stupid cover-up, but hopefully he doesn't pick up on it. 

"Oh," Sam says, his cheeks turning that lovely pink. 

"Have you ever liked anyone?" I ask. 

Sam's cheeks go from pink to red. It's so cute to see him embarrassed by these questions.

 "Uh yes, but I think it's all unrequited. It's just kind of hard when-" Sam stops speaking. "I don't know, I'm just awkward," he continues. 

"Yeah, it is pretty hard to admit to having feelings for someone, especially when you aren't sure if they feel the same way. Rejection is scary," I tell him, making direct eye contact.

Sam looks away. "Yeah," he sighs.

We continue watching the show when I notice Sam's eyes slowly closing as he leans against his pillow. "Are you tired?"

"Yeah a little bit, I guess I'm still recovering from last night."

I take a risk and lay on my back right beside him. He moves to make room for me, also laying on his back beside me. We both stare up at the ceiling, and I think we drift off at the same time.