What It Feels Like (a boyxboy)

cuddle

Leo

   "What's going on?" I ask, standing up from the couch to look out the window.

   "I don't know," my dad replies, following me.

   "Is that the police?" My mom questions.

   A wave of panic spreads through me. There's a police cars and an ambulance outside Sam's house.

   "Oh my God, mom there's an ambulance," I breathe out.

   My mom glances at my Dad.

"Stay here, I'm gonna go check it out," he says.

  "I'm coming," I begin to follow him towards the door.

   "Leo, wait. Let your dad go first, just stay here," my mom stops me.

   Lily and Timmy are in bed, but the rest of the kids are awake and now asking a million questions.

   "I don't fucking know, Jessica!" I shout when she asks me for the fifth time what's happening.

   "Leo, calm down," my mom scolds, putting a hand on my shoulder. "It's going to be fine."

   But I don't know. I literally have no idea what's going on, but my heart is racing.

   "I gotta make sure Sam's okay," I say calmly, despite my panic. I escape my mom's touch and head towards the door.

   I run across the warm pavement in my bare-feet. I take in the scene in front of me, but the only people out here are police officers.

   "Excuse me," I shout, jogging up to one of them, past my dad. "What's going on?"

  The tall officer turns to me, putting a hand out in front of him. "Everything is okay, son. No worries."

   "Is Sam okay?" I ask before even thinking about how they would even know who Sam is.

    Before they answer, I see another officer walk out, Sam following behind. Relief fills my body as I can see he is physically okay. But what is happening?

   "Sam?" I call, trying to get over to him.

   "Hey, Hey!" Says the tall officer. He grabs my bicep, pulling me back from getting closer to Sam. Sam doesn't see me anyway.

   "He's my friend," I calmly tell the officer.

   "He's okay, nothing is wrong with him, please step back while we take care of everything, kid."

   "Leo," my Dad grabs my shoulder. "Let's stay over here, okay?"

   I nod my head, ignoring the feeling that my stomach is going to flip.

  I still can't see Sam well, but I can see paramedics pulling a gurney out of the house. Mrs. Flowers is on it.

   It doesn't look good. They load her up in the ambulance and it zooms away. Sam stands still.

I want to get closer to Sam, but my Dad isn't gonna let me try. I don't know why I'm feeling so ragingly protective over him, I just can't help it.

"Leo, go inside we will figure out what's going on, alright?" My Dad whispers to me.

I nod, even though I don't want to.

   I watch from my window as my parents talk to the officers. They look calm, but I am not. My heart breaks when I see the look on Sam's face.

   I run back down the stairs, ignoring my siblings and their questions.

   "What's wrong with Sam?" I ask my mom as she opens the door.

   "He's alright. The officers just told us his mom might have overdosed." My mom looks sad and worried.

 
  "Oh my God."

I don't understand. I couldn't have imagined this would be possible. Sam's mom always seemed okay. Was it an accident?

   "I know, I'm just as shocked as you are. We can only hope she's alright."

   And so I go back inside, watching as Sam steps into the police car.

———————————————

   I spend the next few hours tossing and turning, unable to calm down enough to even close my eyes.

   I don't get it. I know Sam is fine, I know he is. But why do I feel like he's not? Why do I want so badly to make sure he's okay? I care so deeply about him, even only after knowing him since the summer started. I'm sort of scared by how I feel about him. It's just so different.

   More questions about what exactly happened tonight are busying my mind. I feel so uneasy that it's fucking ridiculous.

   So I do the only thing I know how to do when I'm worried.

   I sneak down the hallway with my too-small blanky wrapped around my body and I peek into the boys' room. They all seem to be sleeping, but a lamp is still on by Scotty's bed.

   "Scotty?" I whisper.

   He immediately perks up and looks at me quizzically. I just give him my best 'I-need-a-cuddle' look.  He sighs, then pats the spot next to him.

   I jump into his twin-sized bed, grabbing his teddy-bear in my arms. Scotty takes my arm and nuzzles his tiny head into it.

   "Goodnight," he yawns and closes his eyes.

   I close mine too.