What It Feels Like (a boyxboy)

Stay

Leo

I fall onto my bed in a fit of exhaustion. As I wait for Sam to get out of the shower I take a moment to breathe. I have so many questions. Is Sam's mother okay? Is Sam okay? Does he want us to take care of him like this? Or does he want to be left alone? I don't know. My mom said to avoid asking him a lot of questions. We don't know exactly why all of this happened, but I will gladly wait to find out until he's ready to tell us.

The door clicks open and I quickly sit upright to face Sam as he walks in. I notice his eyes are puffy and red. I can feel my heart shattering for him as he sends me a forced smile.

  "Hey," I grin, trying to let him know that I'm here for him.

   He smiles slightly and sits down on my bed. "Can I take a nap?"

   "Of course." I pull down the covers and move from my bed gesturing for him to lay down. I feel like my mother taking care of me when I'm sick. "Is there anything else you need?"

   Sam shakes his head and I get up to leave the room as he tucks himself in.

   "Wait," Sam whispers just as I'm about to open the door. He looks at me, half of his face covered by the blankets. "Will you stay? So I'm not alone?" He looks hesitant when he asks, which makes me want to engulf him in hugs.

  "Yeah, I will stay," I reassure him. "Don't worry."

   I sit up against the headboard on top of the covers while Sam begins to fall asleep. "Thank you," he mumbles before drifting off.

"You're welcome," I say, even though he's already fast asleep. I do something completely insane and probably wrong: I plant a small kiss on his forehead.

———————————————

A whiny voice threatens to break my eardrums, awakening me from my unplanned nap. I'm still sitting up. "What, Timmy?" I mumble, rubbing my eyes.

"It's time to eat!" He whacks my arm. Completely unnecessary.

"Where's Sam?" I say out loud when I realize he's no longer next to me.

"Oh he already went downstairs," Timmy states. "We were playing."

"Timmy! Were you bothering him?"

"Nope," Timmy replies, then dashes out of the room. Kids are weirdos.

I check my phone to see that it's six o'clock. I've literally slept all day. I also have a bunch of texts and snapchats from friends that I haven't bothered to respond to. I make my way downstairs, anxious to know where Sam is and how he's doing. When I enter the living room, I'm surprised to see him with a small smile on his face, listening to one of my sisters, Jessica, tell him something. Not only that, but Scotty, of all people is sitting on his lap. Scotty is holding open an I Spy book on his lap.

  "Hey guys," I jump onto the couch and squeeze in next to Jessica.

   "Owwww," Jessica complains. "You're squishing me!!"

   "No I'm not," I ignore her complaints and look towards Sam. "How are feeling, dude?"

   "I'm okay," he sighs, smiling slightly.

  "You would know if you weren't asleep all day," Jessica groans. Ouch. Okay then.

   I roll my eyes and avert my attention back to Sam. "Did you sleep long?"

"I got up a few hours ago," Sam says.

"You should've woken me up."

"It's okay, you seemed like you needed rest. And these guys are keeping me entertained."

Scotty looks up from his book and repositions his little glasses. "Did you know Sam's favorite color is blue?"

"I did not know that," I chuckle.

"Well you should have known that."

Both Sam and I laugh, but Scotty could not care any less. It's nice to see a smile on Sam's face.

"PEOPLE!! I SAID ITS TIME. TO. EAT!!!" Timmy's shrill voice rings throughout the living room and both Jessica and Scotty shush him.

"Jesus Christ, Timmy we're coming," I tell him, getting up from the couch.

After the kids run off to the dining room, I stay behind with Sam to check up on him. "Do you wanna eat with everyone? Or we can go to my room and eat?"

"Can we go to your room?" His face turns red for the first time today, and I know he's probably embarrassed just from being in such a vulnerable state.

"Yep. Go ahead on up, I'll get us food," I squeeze his shoulder as I walk off to the dining room.

When I get back to my room after getting us some yummy pasta, I see that Sam is on the phone. I wait outside for him to be done. I can only hear him saying "yes" and "no" a few times. When he hangs up, I saunter back in.

"I was just talking to my Aunt on the phone," he says immediately.

"Is everything okay?"

Sam paused, then looks down. "Uh yeah, she woke up. She seems alright. I just don't know when I want to see her." Sam plays with his hands, something he does when he's embarrassed or anxious.

"I'm sorry all this is happening, Sam. I wish I could do something."

"It's alright," Sam sighs. "She's just gonna have to be in rehab again."

Again?

"Oh," I say, not knowing how else to respond.
 
"Yeah this is definitely not the first time," Sam mutters.

   "I had no idea." I shake my head, embarrassed that I didn't know. It's not like I had any way of knowing, it just pains me.

Sam looks up at me like he's about to cry. "I just- I just have nowhere else to go and my Aunt's house is too far from home and-" he starts to sniffle. "I don't know how I'm gonna be able to go to college in the fall without being worried for my mom." Sam shakes his head, "Sorry this is all so much."

I sit down beside him and as I do, there is a knock on the door. My mom walks in (without even waiting for an answer as usual.)

"Hey," she begins, then notices Sam's current state. "Is everything okay?"

"We're just talking," I tell her.

"Okay, well I just wanted to tell you, Sam, that you are welcome to stay here as long as you need. I'd prefer you not be home alone, okay sweetie?" Sam nods and my mom smiles gently. "Did you guys get food?"

"Yeah," I gesture towards our plates of pasta.

"Okay, just let me know if you need anything."

After my mom closes the door behind her, Sam stares down at the floor silent for a moment. I just sit with him.

I think literally an hour has past of the two of us sitting on my bed in silence eating our food. I usually don't like silence, but I can tell it's just what Sam needs. And it always feels okay when it's with Sam.