What It Feels Like (a boyxboy)

sam was right

Leo

I've never been so preoccupied with so many thoughts ever before. He won't leave my head.

It has been over two weeks since I last really talked to Sam. I waved to him a few times, but we haven't hung out again. I think he might be avoiding me.

It's so bad that I feel heartbroken by the simple fact that he may be avoiding my lame ass. It's not like he might even mean it? He just might be busy? I don't know.

It's already the second week of July and the whole idea that I'm leaving for college in just a little over a month is getting to me. I suddenly am incredibly frightened. That's not like me at all. I usually dive into everything head-first and ready. But every time I think about leaving my siblings, I feel sad. No matter how fucking annoying they may be, I'm gonna miss them like hell.

"Honey, you okay?" My mom asks, interrupting my thoughts. She's chopping away at lettuce as I'm sitting alone at the counter.

"Yeah. Just thinking about school and stuff," I admit.

"Are you worried about it, sweetie?" My mom sets down her kitchen knife and crosses her arms over her chest. She's concerned.

I take a deep breath and think about that conversation I had with Sam in the middle of the night a couple weeks ago. Now is the perfect time to man the fuck up and voice my concerns to my mom.

"Yes," I begin. "I'm worried about leaving you guys behind."

"Leo-"

"It's just that I do so much around here for the kids and I watch them and take them places all the time, I'm worried you don't realize how much harder it will be without me here." I sit back in my chair avoiding looking towards my mom. I don't really want to see her reaction.

"Leo, baby," my mom rests her hand on my forearm. "Please don't worry about that at all. It's not your responsibility... you deserve to get away and be independent. You're almost nineteen!"

"I know, mom. I'm just worried it will be chaos around here."

"When isn't it chaos?" My mom chuckles.

"You're right," I answer. "But I do so much stuff that you guys just can't do because you just don't have time."

"Leo, we will figure it out, okay? You do so much for us and I'm so thankful for that, but it's our responsibility. Your well-being is just as important as the others."

I shoot my mom a soft smile. Sam was right.

———————————————-

Trying to make out with someone when you want to be making out with a completely different person is the hardest thing I've ever done. In fact, it's so difficult that I'm (gently) pushing this girl off me now.

"Sorry," I say, wiping my mouth. I'm sort of intoxicated too, so I'm looking like an idiot right now.

"It's alright," the girl replies as if she's annoyed and disappointed at the same time.

I give her an apologetic smile and she walks off.

Dude, what the hell is wrong with you?" My friend- or should I say acquaintance- Jacob, walks up in front of me. "Did I really just see you give up on Rachel over there? Damn."