What It Feels Like (a boyxboy)

I panicked

Sam

Why must I find myself in these positions again? The only choice I have right now is to drink. Dylan provided me free alcohol- thank goodness. I am so lucky to have him.

"Can I have a shot of that?" Molly points at my bottle of rum.

I internally roll my eyes, "Sure." 

She takes a big gulp and holds it up in the air. "WOOOOO," she screams. 

Calm down woman.

She then hands it to Leo, who I do not mind sharing with, and he also takes a shot. But he doesn't 'Woo."

"You okay?" He asks. I'm fine, but I can't explain my annoyance to him.

"Yep," I cheerfully respond.  

"Cool." 

Leo awkwardly sits beside me as Molly moves her way into the crowd to dance. I know Leo wants to as well, but he's staying behind for me. His hair looks really great tonight. I've noticed its getting longer. He is wearing only a t-shirt despite the fact that the weather is getting cooler, and I'm wearing a long t-shirt and a hoodie over it. I guess I'm just naturally cold.

Leo smiles at me, and I can't help but urge him to go dance with Molly. "Hey, you don't have to sit with me, go hang out with Molly."

"Are you sure?" He looks at me with concern on his face.

"Yeah its fine, I'll be right here."

As Leo leaves, I let out a long sigh and lift the bottle of rum to my lips.

Time passes, and I feel the alcohol beginning to set in. My eyes process everything in front of me in slow motion. I need a change of scenery, so I get up to go somewhere else. I'm sure Leo is off with Molly, but I ignore the sinking feeling it would cause me if I let the thought linger.  

 A pretty girl with shoulder-length dark hair sits beside me. "Hello," she says.

"Hi, how are you?" I ask. Thanks to the alcohol, I'm not feeling much anxiety about speaking to anyone.

"You're cute," she says flirtatiously. 

"I'm gay," I tell her without hesitation. 

"Oh. Sorry to bother you," she responds sincerely.

"It's okay, you are pretty, and I'm pretty sure I'm the only gay male here. You will not have any problems finding another cute guy." 

"Thank you," she laughs. "Have a good night.

I smile and wave goodbye as she disappears into a crowd of people.

I finally get up and head to the bathroom. I decide to sit in the bathtub because it looks comfy. I'm realizing how drunk I am, and stare at the ceiling with the bottle still in my hand. I feel calm. Not anxious, not worried, there is nothing I should feel bad about.

I'm not sure how much time passes, but I hear a knock on the door.  I don't say anything because I'm not thinking. Instead, I pull the shower curtain over to hide.