What It Feels Like (a boyxboy)

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Sam

    Last night was a low point. Quite lonely, and a reflection of what my life is right now. I miss Leo. If I had him, at least I would have someone. So fuck it- I'm gonna go see him.

I feel the anxiety in the air as I walk towards his room. I know he's only a few floors away from me. I will knock until I find him.
The elevator is cold, and so is my anxious body. I'm shaking. Why did I even stay away from Leo in the first place? This is all so stupid.

I approach what I'm sure is his room and knock three times. A few seconds pass. Should I leave? Should I turn around and forget it all?

Suddenly the door swings open. It's not him.

"Are you looking for Leo?" The guy speaks in a monotonous manner. He's wearing circular glasses and looks put together.

"Uh yes," I say hesitantly.

"He will probably be back soon. He went to a party or something last night."

"Oh okay, well I guess I'll come later."

I'm almost relieved that he isn't here. I just feel like maybe I should keep to myself. Just thinking about seeing him was stressful enough.

"You can stay and wait for him if you want," Henry shrugs, opening the door wider. "I'm leaving soon for the library."

I contemplate his offer. Maybe I should just stay if it will force me to see Leo. I decide I have to just do it or nothing about my life right now is going to change.

When I agree to Henry's offer, I sit down on Leo's bed and take in my surroundings. It smells like him. And the whole side of his room just feels like him.  After Henry leaves, I wait anxiously. Maybe I should text Leo and tell him I'm here. I don't know.

Before I can decide, the door clicks open. Leo.

  "Sam?" Leo looks confused- as expected. His hair looks disheveled, and something about him just seems messy.

"Hey-" I begin to say when I realize there's someone else with him.

A girl stands behind him. She's unbelievably pretty, but also looks a little messy. It looks like she's wearing clothes from the night before, and her makeup is smudged.

Oh no.

I gotta leave. Now.

"What are you doing here?" Leo asks with a confused smile.  He doesn't let the girl step into the room.

"Um I'm sorry," I stutter. "I should leave."

I stumble past him and make eye contact with the girl as I step into the hall.

"Wait! Sam," Leo calls.

I don't look back. Instead I get into the elevator as tears escape me. I don't know why I did that. I don't know why I'm so distraught over a girl when I knew this whole time it would never be possible for Leo to like me like I like him.

I feel stupid and melodramatic.