I had to give myself 5 minutes to calm down. It took a while to settle down but I managed to walk to my dads room and show him the notebook. He read it and we cried together. But one thought stuck in my head after I read what my brother wrote.
Was he selfish enough to only think of himself? Had he not of thought of dad and I?
It was so hard to process anything, so those questions were the only questions that formed in my head at the moment. I had a hard time moving, my body was controlled to freeze in 1 place for a long time. When we finally got up I was torn between understanding my brother or being mad at him. He could of told me or anyone to help him.
I can't understand him anymore, I can't even understand my life anymore. Trying to understand how he felt was hard. It was like trying to understand a ghost.
Gone, withered away, nothingness.
When I finally was tired of crying I fell asleep, still slightly teary.
_~~_~~_
I woke up to sunlight shining through my windows, blinding me. I lay there in my bed for a couple minutes until I got up. I was groggy from waking and didn't want to move.
When I eventually walked to my washroom I looked at myself in the mirror. My medium length light brown hair was tangled and my brown eyes were glassy. I was wearing a white t-shirt and skinny jeans.
My body was more thin than before my brothers death, I hadn't been eating as much and my eyes were red and puffy from crying. I told myself to take deep breaths and breath in and out.
I had to get out of the house and take a breath of the outside air. So I quickly threw my hair up in a pony tail and walked downstairs, threw on a sweater, put on a pair of black sneakers and stepped outside.
The air was warm, but cool on my skin, the sun shining brightly and the clouds thin and white. The leaves were slowly changing colours, green to yellow, orange to red. I sat down on the driveway and just sat there. I stayed there for half an hour just slowly breathing, thinking about all the happy memories with me and my brother. It made me smile just thinking about all the happy memories.
Me and him running through the grass when I was 6 and him chasing me, blowing dandelions in the Summer, picking flowers for dad and playing at the park with him by my side. It hurt to think about him but it also felt good. To remember the good times other than the bad.
To remember that there was a time where everything was perfect.
But I knew now that nothing is.
YOU ARE READING
When the World Shatters
Mystery / ThrillerTalia has had a pretty rough life. Her mother left, and her dad had to raise 2 children. But everything becomes even worse when her brother commits suicide. Now all she has to do is get back up and keep going. She meets a boy named Cole and befriend...
