When the World Shatters

Chapter 20

Prior to my writing to this, Aaron (someone I know) had written something not very nice, and published it. If that bothered you in anyway, my apologies. 

_________________________________________

*Day after Gideon's death*

Pitch black darkness haunted my every step, my every breath and my every thought.

I thought this would be over. I guess I was wrong. 

The nightmares would never stop. And I never should expect them to.

They were forever, weren't they? 

Instead of trying to go back to sleep, I just got up and paced around my room. As my feet paced around my room, my head couldn't do anything but spin in circles. Unending and inevitable circles. Round and round. Forever as they may be. 

He was gone. He was never coming back. I could never get him back. 

At least, that's what I told myself repeatedly. At this point, I seemed bipolar as ever. Insane one second, and smiling the next. I couldn't help what was made of me after... his death. 

Most people would've thought I was strong enough to handle this. But it wasn't like anyone knew me, to know that I couldn't handle even a fraction of the pain been caused. 

Staring into the curtain of my room, I couldn't help but laugh at the irony.

Oh the irony. Oh the pain. Oh the loss.

No, it wasn't just another person gone in this world. Wasn't just a death. At least, not to me.

But isn't that how it is to everyone else?

When a person dies or kills themself, no one but the people who knew them would care. 

A stranger hearing about it wouldn't care much, maybe be a bit sympathetic, maybe be a little sad at what has happened. But would they really care? 

Of course not. They didn't know the person. They didn't care for the person, like they were from their own family. 

I just laugh again, I was going crazy here without anyone. Without the comfort of my brother beside me, without my happy father and his jokes. 

Without a real home.

My house didn't seem like my home. No, home wasn't a place, or a house. Home was a person. Someone who was there for you through thick and thing. 

Home was someone who made your heart beat, and kept you alive. 

Without my brother, it felt as if my life line was cut off. Like someone was feeding me white lies, and giving me bandages to cover the wounds. 

Now that I realize it. No one is as they seem. Their bodies were just concealing the inside destruction they hold. 

Or peace. 

That wasn't the case for me. Peace was something rare these days. Peace was a feeling of belonging and righteousness. 

But nothing in my life felt right. 

Weird isn't it? How one person's mistakes can lead to someone else's pain. 

Maybe even their end too. 

I wasn't going to lie and say that I never had terrifyingly horrific dreams and thoughts. 

The ones where I ended up exactly how my brother is now. The ones where my heart stops. 

And where blinding light comes to save me. Save me? Or end me?

Both seemed the same. 

Opening my bedroom door, I headed downstairs. Not hearing the familiar faint noise of breathing, or soft snores coming from the other room. 

In the kitchen, there was a note. 

i'm very sorry, but I must be out for business purposes. i'll be back in a couple days. please, take care. 

love you hun, 

your one and only. father.

Confused, I only nod my head at the note.

Deciding that it was time for me to do something, instead of just stand here. Upon deciding that was a good idea. 

I head to my living room, just to cry. 

Tears saved me some days. 

The feeling of the thick, salty tears against my bare face felt good. It felt refreshing in a way. It made me feel human. 

Like everyone else. Everyone cried didn't they? I was no different. 

Only, I wasn't just crying for one reason. No. Not just my brothers death. 

I was crying for the many things that had happened over time. I was crying over the mess I had made while trying to live my life. 

I was crying because I knew exactly why things happened this way. I was crying because I was just another pawn in this game, and I never realized. 

I was crying, more like sobbing, because I knew I should've been prepared ages ago. I should've been ready to face this. I should've been prepared to see him gone. 

I should've known that everything that has built up to this, would cause this. 

I wish I had known that I would take the most impact. I wish that maybe, just maybe it didn't have to come to this. 

Oh, but it did. 

Breathing heavily and shakily, I let one last tear stream down my face.

Then

All I saw was 

black.

______________________________________

So turns out. I changed a lot in the story line. Things are about to get crazy. Be aware that things are not going to be how they seemed in the beginning. Let's see if anyone can predict what happens next.

Sorry if you hate this story now. :,( 

-Z