When the World Shatters

Chapter 18

I woke up with tears covering my face, and my father's hand on my shoulder. His eyes looked mournful and full of grief.

I guess he knew exactly what I was dreaming about.

Losing my brother. Again and again and again. It's not that I hadn't gotten over it, it's that once I try and come to claims with what had happened, it all comes flooding back.

And I hate myself for thinking that I can get over it this fast. I hate myself for tricking me into thinking it's fine, because it isn't. I know it isn't and I can't make up some fake fantasy telling myself it is.

It hurts. I know it hurts, but I just keep stitching up the open wound, just to tear the stitches in the end. I wasn't getting anywhere.

I looked at my father and seeing the pain in his face, made me look away. I didn't want my dad to suffer from his death as well. But it was bound to hurt us.

There was bound to be backlash. It was inevitable. There was nothing we could do to prevent it. Gideon was gone, and we can't bring him back.

At least, not now.

My father had left after realizing that I wouldn't talk. I wasn't going to share about my dream or what I was feeling. It wouldn't be of any benefit to us. Or really, him.

My mom left, my brother is gone, sooner or later. One of us would be too.

Okay, now I might seem dramatic, but well. I was afraid of losing my dad as well. I couldn't keep losing everyone in my life. Soon, I would lose myself too.

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*Literacy*

"Okay students, I have partnered you up randomly, and I would like you and your partner to write a fictional story. Of any kind. Your mark for this story will be worth at least 45% of your mark," Mrs.Leisly  announces to the class. "Here are your partners..."

She continued to announce partners, then later telling me I would be partnered with Cole.

Great, just great.

Partnered with the dude who is supposedly dating my best friend, who also once practically went on a date with me. Huh, okay so maybe, I might be making it more dramatic then it is. But this was just weird.

Oh, and I almost never partner up for school work. I guess it makes me uncomfortable? I prefer to be able to do everything my certain way, using the same point of view and ideas. But when working with a partner, you have to be on the same page. Or else, well. Everything gets kinda messed up.

The bell rang for the end of the day. And I left the room as quickly as I could, just to avoid Cole for a little longer.

I liked writing on my own. Reading and writing were my safe spaces. No one could interrupt me, no one other than me could change my story, and I made it perfect for me. It was a way to express myself, pouring all my words unsaid into literature.

But working with another person might be a bit more tricky. I wasn't used to it. I didn't know Cole's writing style either, which just makes it even harder to write together.

Okay, so maybe i'm not being the brightest about this. But uh, better prepare myself for the worst? Right?

"Oh my...Frick!!" I accidentally blurt. I just well, remembered it was my mothers birthday. Though i'm unsure if she has the right to even be called my mother. She left our family a while ago, and it wasn't like she really tried to stay in touch. I guess it being her birthday is unnecessary.

She never even tried to stay in touch at all... She left and never came back, never said a word. For all I know, she could be living all the way opposite the world of us, with a wealthy husband, and good income.

My mother did try to get in contact with us, when my brother died. Though, she would be attending the funeral. The funeral would be held soon.

If we could even get enough money for it. It would be better to have a funeral, but without the money we really couldn't. If we had to hold a funeral, we would need someone to fund us with some money, or even have my mother help to pay. 

I could tell I was hurting myself thinking about Gideon. But I had to, his memory will always be here with me. I couldn't just shake the feeling that I made such a mistake, to let him die the way he did.

I kept re-opening the wound that was slowly healing. I was making the tiny crack in the glass slowly get larger and larger.

I was defending things perfectly fine, but one day I would break down, harder than ever before.

Honestly, I still didn't understand my brothers death. Mostly, the reason why he did it. The notes, sure it clearly said why he did it. But for some reason, I think there's a whole other reason. One no one could figure out, unless they really looked.

And at this point, I was hell bent on finding out the real reason.

Though now, I didn't know what was real or what was fake.

His death notes didn't add up. To me, nothing did.

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And that's chapter 18. So I wrote most of this on my phone, which was really weird to me, as I always use my laptop. But it's just easier for me to write on the go. And it means chapters will be out faster.

So at the moment, i'm on a trip in Asia, for around a month. Which is the reason why I haven't been updating a lot. Whether it was not being able to write, or just not having anything to write. I even just completely stopped reading for a very long time. Until this trip, I ended up finishing two books which i'm happy I did, aha.

Anyways, i'm unsure when i'll get another chapter out, or when i'll start writing the next chapter. But i'll try and write more!

-Zatreaderperson1