Untitled.

Olive

There I was sitting in the passenger seat of the old civic or as we used to called it the beanie, I had my feet on the dashboard while I was reading the latest edition of national geographic, I was obsess with their pictures and always dream of being one of their photographer until the day my dad asked me what could I do if they made me take pictures of bats, I hate bats so I decided from that moment on that I would stick to only looking at the pictures and reading some of the articles. I could hear the radio playing Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls, it was a hot summer day where you could feel the heat burning in your skin, all the mosquitoes flying around and the sky was clear blue, I loved days like this … the song reach its climax, the guitar solo and I knew what was coming.

   I saw him jumping in front of the car with the broom in his hands making as he was the one holding the guitar, he was wearing his black torn levy’s jeans and a white t-shirt and although I couldn’t see his feet I knew he had on his old pair of black converse, he then pointed at me to keep sing while he kept playing the broom, I turn the volume up and started singing

“And I don’t want the world to see me, ‘cause I don’t think they understand”  we kept screaming the choirs, not caring if the neighbor would complain, when all of the sudden I saw a big light coming from behind him, he couldn’t see it but it scared me. I scream his name but he just kept singing, smiling, I try to get out of the car but I couldn’t someone had locked me in and all I could do was sit there look at him disappear again.

    I woke up screaming his name, tears running down my face, heart pounding so hard it felt like it was going to come out of my chest. Kristen came in and hug me

“It was just a dream baby, just a dream” – I couldn’t stop crying, Henry came in with a glass of water and sat next to me while Kristen got in bed and kept hugging me. 

I didn’t have to ask for the time I knew the clock had to say 3:42 am it was already my brother’s death anniversary and like every year I had the same dream and woke up at the same time … everything was the same except the fact that this time he did saw me and wave goodbye it was that last part i couldn’t stop thinking about, I felt back asleep after Kristen made me took sleeping pills.

  That same morning my alarm clock went off at 7, my head was pounding and my eyes were puffy from all the crying I knew I had to get up and get ready, I knew Kristen was waiting for me, our train was leaving at 9 she was already packed, as always she had packed the day before and so had Henry, last year I was at home when this happen and I didn’t wake my parents, instead I called Ethan and he stayed on the phone with me until I felt asleep, this year was different Ethan wasn’t around and I had decided to not go home for my brother’s anniversary,  see every year since he passed away we visit his grave and the family gets together we go to mass in the afternoon and then my mother cooks a big dinner, we all have to dress up and wear only black. Its they way they cope and every year I hate this date, I hate it because I know my brother would get upset if he see us doing something so depressing, I knew my brother better than anyone else he was my very best friend, he taught me how to drive, it was him who pushed me to take arts, he gave me my first analog camera and made me fell in love with Pink Floyd, he was a happy person always making my mom laugh, Kristen back then was a queen bee at her high school and my brother always helped her get out of the house, we used to wait for her to come back home late at night and while we wait for her, we used to make pancakes and watch re-runs of friends.

  I missed my brother, more than anything I miss his company always making me laugh and not caring about what people thought of us. I turn around to see the time its 7:30 and although I know Kristen already has breakfast ready for me and it’s just waiting to hear the shower so she can come inside and tell me the plan for today, I turn my phone on and dial Ely’s number I asked him to come by my apartment and wait for me outside, my whole family its waiting for me back home, but my house doesn’t feel like a home anymore and I need to go and celebrate my brother’s anniversary like if he was still alive.