Untitled.

OLIVE

        Ethan explains how I got here while I eat my plate of fruits, right then this random guy comes into the kitchen holding a package of muffing in one hand. He is tall and has brown skin, his eyes are dark brown and I can see there is Hispanic blood running in his veins, I think he might be Puerto Rican. He just stands there and looks a little embarrassed

“I didn’t know you were in here” – he says and looks at the floor, I turn to look at Ethan and I’m about to asked him what’s wrong with the Latino, when Ethan says

“Olive this is Gabriel” – and right then I realized why he look so uncomfortable

“Hey, I’m Olive, Ethan’s … “– and right then I stop talking, am I still Ethan’s girlfriend of course not, but I’m used to say it to everyone he smiled and says

“I know you are Ethan’s Olive” – and we both laughed at how ridiculous it sounds, Ethan then clear his throat and we both know what that means, so Gabriel puts the muffin on the counter and make himself disappear.

“I’m sorry Olive, I don’t even know “– I put my finger on his mouth and he stops talking

“I knew all along that you didn’t loved me, at least not the way a boy supposed to love a girl or whatever that means, I knew all along that you like boys, I just didn’t wanted to accept it. Because when I’m with you I felt complete, I felt like nothing could happen to me, I felt secure and like I could do anything. But deep inside of me I knew that you were there because you love me, not in the way we both wanted to, something horrible happen to me, I lost my brother and I can never have him back and then you showed up and asked me to go out with you and I say yes, and all this time I was away from you I realized how selfish I was, I knew that you were by my side because you wanted to protect me, you wanted to make me happy, you wanted to make sure I was happy and I let you knowing deep inside that I could never make you happy”

“But you have and you do “

“Not in the way you deserve, I realized this past week that I try to replace my brother with you and that the more I was with you the more I hold on to my brother, I love you but now I know that what you meant all those times that you said our love was different, we love each other in a way where we use each other to escape reality and that is not ok”

“Don’t say that Olive” – Ethan was now crying and I couldn’t help but hold his hands

“ The truth is that my brother its gone, he is not coming back and you Ethan, you are gay and its ok all of this its ok, I still love you” – We both were now crying, sobbing actually

“I need you to know, that you Olive save me, you took me from this dark place I was drowning and you pull me back, you show me love and made me felt important to someone and I need it to return the favor and I’m sorry I didn’t wanted to hurt, I just wanted to make you happy because you deserve all the happiness in the world”

“I know you did, and you gave me more than that, you gave me hope but now I need to live and we both need to start living in the real world, we have to face reality and stop pretending, stop pretending you don’t love the muffin guy” – this made him laugh, he clean his tears and became serious, grab my head and made me look at him straight in his eyes

“And you need to realized that they guy who Is sleeping in the couch, adores you Olive and I think that you deserved him because yes we were both broken and we try to fix each other’s wounds and that was our mistake, but this guy he is not trying to fix you, he wants to share his wounds with you Olive” – this was the first time I heard Ethan accepting how we try to fix each other, and listen to him talking about Ely made me remember all the things Ely and I have done in the past week and the way I feel when I’m around him, and how I felt last night when he grab me and help me walk to the car.

   All this time, Ely and I have spent together I realized 2 things we never talked about our past only the future and this was the first person I didn’t care who he used to be 2 years ago, I didn’t asked him to explain why was him so drunk and if he still smokes pots, although I think I know the answer to that. I still remember the first time we went to Jose’s, the night that change my life he didn’t took a sip of his beer and last night he remain sober, I don’t know what happen in the past and why Cassie keeps putting him down and to be honest I don’t care, I don’t care what happen before because what matters it’s the present not the past, we carry around our past so much we stop living the present. The second thing I realized was ever since I dance with him at Jose’s the feeling in my stomach that back then I thought it was me wanted to puke was actually of me wanted to kiss him. I get up and ask Ethan to let me borrow his car, he looks at me and I know he is wondering if I’m still drunk

“No Ethan, I’m not drunk I just need to go somewhere” – he gets up and gives me the keys to his car, I grab a piece of paper and write down a note I tell Ethan to give it to Ely as soon as he gets up, walked out of the door knowing for the first time exactly when I need to go.