TROUBLED || thirteen reasons why

017.

Justin follows closely behind Tristan the next day at school. He can tell that she is trying to keep it together, and the guilt is swallowing him alive. Tristan stops once she reaches the metal door, and Justin worriedly looks at her, "Tris, we don't have to go in. We can go home."

Tristan shakes her head at him and he watches as she takes in a deep breath and walks into the building. The girl can tell that her brother is following her and she spins on her heel quick to face him, "Justin, please. Leave me alone, I don't want you around."

Justin's face falls at the sight of the pain in her eyes, "Tris, I just want make be sure that you're alright-"

"I'm fine, Justin, just go. Please." Tristan whispers and walks away from the boy. She steps in front of her locker and emptily stares at the blue metal. Her mind flashes to images she's tried to subdue for years, making tears well into her eyes. The hallway and the crowds of people make her feel so claustrophobic that she hurriedly walks outside to the courtyard, breathing in the crisp autumn air.

She rests her body against the cool brick wall and tries to pull herself together, telling herself that she is being silly and needs to grow up. When she opens her eyes they meet Marcus Cole's, who swiftly looks away and obviously whispers to the other members of the group he was with about her. Tristan is met by Zach, Courtney, Ryan, and Alex who all try to stealthily sneak a glance towards the girl. There is a pang of anxiety washing through Tristan, and she quickly removes herself from the wall and squeezes her eyes shut as she reenters the building. The girl is in tears by the time she makes it to a bathroom, and she roughly rips open a stall and locks it behind her. She takes a shaky breath. Do they know? She remembers Clay telling her that Zach and Jess had those tapes before he did; are those other people on them too? Did they hear what Hannah said?

She turns towards the toilet, feeling as though she is going to vomit. Tristan hates Hannah for what she's done and she is so overwhelmed that she has to hold onto the wall to stand properly. Tristan covers her mouth to try make herself stop crying, but it doesn't do anything but muffle her raw voice.

"Tristan?" The girl's  head jerks up as she recognizes the deep voice calling her name.

"What do you want, Zach?" She sniffs. She can tell that he is at the door, terrified to come into a girl's bathroom.

"Look, I saw you walk away out there and I just want to..."

"Leave me alone. You shouldn't be in here anyways." Tristan says, leaning her head against the door.

"Tris, please," He whispers, his shoes squeaking on the tile as he walks closer to the stall she's in, "Just come out."

Tristan thinks to herself for a moment, wondering if coming out of the stall was the best idea for her right now. She lets out a sigh and unlocks the door, walking out slowly with her head down. It's quiet for a moment, the only noise coming from the busy hallway outside and her shaky, uneven breaths. The girl can feel Zach looking at her, and chills run down her spine when his hand grabs her forearm and rubs it with his thumb. She looks up at him and she notices his shoulders slumping when he sees her face. Tristan quickly looks away and glances at the mirror on her left and she is shocked at what she sees. The shell of the girl she has pretended to be stared blankly back at her. Her once bright green eyes are red from crying and purple bags are formed under them from the lack of sleep and the amount of stress she's been under.

Tristan turns back to him, but she stares at his chest instead of his face, "Did you know?"

He doesn't say anything, and a hole burns into her chest. She chews her lip as tears form in her eyes, "Zach, did you know?"

"Yes."

Tristan recoils from his once comforting touch and hold herself tight as she look at him through distressed eyes. He adverts his gaze from the girl, and she wipes the hot tears from her face.

"What the fuck, Zach? How can you just-" Her chest is so tight, she can't breathe. She closes her eyes and tries to gather her now scattered thoughts. "How many other people fucking listened to that stupid fucking tape?"

"Tris, I can explain," Zach looks into her eyes and tries to move closer to reach her hand, but she takes a step back.

A lump forms in Tristan's throat as she looks at him with disgust, "Did you only start talking to me because you felt sorry for me? Is this what this is? Am I your fucking charity case?"

"What? Tristan, why the hell would you think that? Of course not!" He defends himself and desperately tries to get her to look at him.

"Because I don't need anyone's help," She says, her voice thick with hurt, "I don't need your sympathy for what I've done. I don't... I can't-"

Zach wraps his arms around the small girl and holds her close. Tristan bawls into his chest as he tightens his hold around her. They hear the bell ring for first period, and Tristan take a large gulp of air in and removes herself from the comfort of the boy. She looks into his soft brown eyes, and her heart pangs with guilt. She bites her lip as she hiccups, "I'm sorry..."

"Hey, you don't need to apologize," He says, touching her shoulder, "Are you going to be okay?"

She hesitates before nodding. He squeezes her shoulder before turning around and opening the door for her to leave. "I can walk you to class if you'd like?"

Tristan shakes her head, "I'll be fine. Really, you can go to your class, I'm good."

Zach sadly smiles as he wraps his fingers carefully around her shoulder and gives it a gentle squeeze. They both spare each other one last glance before heading to their classes. Tristan walks down the hallway with glossy eyes, and she is almost to her first class, when she sees him. Bryce Walker walks with his friends, all high and mighty, through the hallway but when he notices Tristan, he flashes a smile at her. She stops dead in her tracks and she can feel the panic and fear set into her body. Tristan quickly walks passed her first class, down the stairs, and out of the building, praying that no one noticed that she was even there.

_

poor baby tris, I just want her to be happyyyyy

like and comment & ALSO THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH FOR 2 HECKING K READS WHAT THE ACTUAL HECKK!!! I LOVE YALL:D