TROUBLED || thirteen reasons why

027.

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"Tris,"

Tristan turns around from her locker and sees Alex Standall limping towards her with his cane. She softly smiles at him, "Hey, Alex, what's up?"

Alex clears his throat as he timidly looks at the girl, "I wanted to ask about your tape..."

"My what?" Tristan asks, dumbfounded.

"The tape that you're on. Hannah's tape." Alex says again, pulling his phone out and showing her the audio files.

Tristan's face drains of color as she glances at Alex, "Where did you get that?"

"Clay sent them to me last night," He replies, making Tristan roll her eyes. "I just don't understand... and I wanted to ask you about-"

"Alex, I've never listened to those. I mean, Clay showed me the one I'm on, but still, I can't help you, sorry." Tristan sneers, not wanting to talk about those fucking tapes. She makes to walk away, but Alex grabs her arm.

"Tris please, I need to understand, help me understand. There's something that I'm missing and I can't figure it out. I'm just trying to do everything I can to understand."

Tristan shakes her head and sighs, "Look, I'm sorry Alex. There's nothing for me to say about that tape."

Alex starts to say something else, but the girl pushes past him and walks away.

Tristan sits in bed that night thinking about Hannah's tapes. She thinks about all the possibilities that are on those tapes, how much that she could actually understand from it. Her mind races at the thought that she could maybe get some peace from listening to those tapes, maybe she could finally close the door that is Hannah Baker.

Tristan quickly sends a text to Alex, practically begging him to send her the audio files. She sits anxiously, waiting for Alex to reply. She prayed that he wouldn't be mad at her for not telling him anything about what Hannah said about her, but she couldn't bring herself to tell the boy.

Her phone dings, and Alex's name appears on the screen with 14 audio attachments tagged below. Tristan loses her breath for a moment, just thinking how these were the last moments with Hannah Baker. She clicks on the first one and holds her breath as she presses play.

"Hey, it's Hannah. Hannah Baker. Don't adjust your- whatever device you're hearing this on. It's me, live and in stereo. No return engagements, no encore, and this time absolutely no requests. Get a snack, settle in, because I'm about to tell you the story of my life. More specifically why my life ended. And if you're listening to this tape, you're one of the reasons why."

Tristan pauses the audio and shutters. It feels as if the wind has been knocked out of her hearing Hannah's voice for the first time in months. Tristan remembers only a handful of times she actually spoke to Hannah, and a pang of guilt hits her as she thinks that if only she saw Hannah's pain as Hannah saw hers.

Hours pass and Tristan is still listening to the tapes, the further she goes, the more she understands Hannah's pain. She can't believe the torture the people she called friends put Hannah under. Tristan doesn't even want to think about Justin anymore, disgusted by the way he treated Hannah and Jess... and even Tristan herself.

As Tristan presses play on the last tape, Tape 14, she is surprised to not hear Hannah's voice, but Clay Jensens voice instead.

"Hannah Baker told me about one of your parties," Clay says, obviously talking to someone else.