TROUBLED || thirteen reasons why

051.

Tristan and Caroline walk into school in the morning, both still joking about the barista's number written on Tristan's coffee cup. The two maneuver through the students in the hall until they reach their lockers, Caroline leaning against hers as the other girl begins to enter her lock combination.

As she opens her locker, Tristan notices a piece of yellow paper fall to the ground. Caroline bends down to retrieve it, but her eyes widen when she reads it.

"What?" Tristan asks, trying to take the paper back from her friend, but the girl pulls it closer to her.

"Tris, I don't think you want-"

Tristan snatches the paper from Caroline's hand and looks at it herself.

Her body engulfs into flames.

Mourn the SURVIVORS
Not the RAPIST!
Protest Bryce Walker's Funeral
This Sunday 11/11

"Tristan, wait!" Caroline calls out, but Tristan is already gone, her eyes searching the halls for one person.

Tristan spots her standing by her locker, and the girl marches up to Jessica Davis, shoving the flyer in the girl's face, "What the fuck is this?"

"What are you talking about?" Jessica huffs, grabbing the paper out of Tristan's hand.

"You think doing that is okay? What the hell is wrong with you?" Tristan's eyes are wide with fear, watching as Jessica reads over the flyer and looks back at Tristan in horror.

"Tristan, I told them not to do this. I promise!" The girl stutters.

Tristan scoffs as she crosses her arms.

"Tris, I would never do that, I swear!"

"You expect me to believe you? You weren't the only one he hurt, Jessica." Tristan's voice falters as she shoves past the girl.

Tristan and Zach Dempsey lie on her bed, both smiling as their lips meet another. It is summer, and Matt and Lainie have gone to see a movie and the boys are in their newly built "outhouse" as they have started to call it. Tristan and Zach are alone.

Zach wraps an arm around the girl, pulling her closer, as they continue to press their lips together. The movie Tristan had put on is long forgotten and the two teenagers' mouths don't break apart.

Tristan gets on top of her boyfriend and carefully grinds her hips against his. Zach's eyes shut.

"Fuck." He grunts against her lips, grabbing ahold of her body and pressing her firmly on him. Tristan continues to push against him, but she soon removes his large hand from her side and drags it over the the front of her pants.

Zach breaks away from Tristan's lips and begins to take his hand away, "Tris, what're you doing?"

"Shut up," She groans, pulling his hand back to where it was and kissing his neck, "It's fine."

Tristan moves her hips against his hand and shuts her eyes as her lips trail back up to the boy's mouth. 

But he pulls away again, this time sitting up and causing Tristan to move off of his lap. He is panting, but his eyes are controlled, "Tris, are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm fine." Tristan huffs as she tries to situate her messy hair.

"You're acting weird. You've never... done that before,"

"You didn't like it?" She asks, her face reddening at the question.

"No! No, that's not it at all," Zach shakes his head, cupping a hand under the girl's chin, "We just usually take it slow, you know?"

"What if I don't want to take it slow?" Her voice is quiet, and Tristan almost hopes he doesn't hear her.

"What?" Zach's face shows pure confusion as he continues to stare at his girlfriend.

Tristan turns her head away from the boy, embarrassment becoming present on her face, "I think I'm ready."

Zach doesn't say anything.

"I mean," Tristan glances back up at Zach, hoping that he doesn't think she is stupid, "I... I can't be afraid for the rest of my life, right?"

"Tristan, this is a big decision." Zach finally speaks up, sitting up straighter and moving the girl's face so that she is looking at him, "I don't want you to regret anything."

"I won't regret it. I want it to be with someone I love, and..." Tristan trails off, realizing what she said.

"You love me?" Zach's eyebrows furrow and his lips twitch into a smile.

Tristan nods, her eyes meeting his.

Zach lets out a laugh before he presses his lips against hers. He runs his thumb across Tristan's bottom lip before placing a soft kiss on her nose, "I love you too,"

Tristan bites down a smile as she looks into his warm, brown eyes. They both laugh before Zach pulls her closer to him, "Are you sure you want to do this?"

The girl nods, "Yeah,"

There's a brief moment where the two stay completely still, not knowing how to begin. Zach slowly reaches for his shirt and pulls it over his head, his lips tenderly meeting Tristan's neck. Tristan's clothes are next, and Zach's eyes scan her body as she throws her shirt to the floor.

"You're beautiful." Zach whispers. Nerves spark in Tristan's stomach as his hands connect with her bare skin. She's never been with anyone other than... him. She thought she would never let another boy near her, but then Zach came.

Zach's tongue trails along her collarbone, and the girl shuts her eyes. She doesn't know how to respond. She doesn't know if this is a good feeling or not. Her body tenses, and Zach notices, "Are you-"

"Don't stop," Tristan breathes, her eyes still scrunched closed. Maybe she isn't ready. Maybe this was a mistake.

The worry in Zach's eyes doesn't leave as his hands brush over the girl's underwear, watching as she releases a shaky breath when he begins to pull them down. Tristan hears the tear of the wrapper and she opens her eyes to see Zach putting on the condom. He looks at her, the worry and lust battling in his eyes, "Tristan, we don't have to do this. It's okay."

Tristan shakes her head, trying not to appear scared, "No. I want to."

Zach leans forward, his lips brushing against Tristans as the girl feels him pressing against her. She shudders. He softly presses his mouth against hers, calming her, his tongue playfully connecting with hers. His mouth trails down to her neck and Tristan can feel his hot breath quicken as he slowly presses into her.

Tristan gasps. Her fingers pull against the boy's black hair and her eyes squeeze shut.

"Fuck." She hears Zach moan as he moves further into her, "are you okay?"

She nods. There is a lump in Tristan's throat and she knows if she tries to talk she might cry. She focuses on her boyfriend's warm breath on her neck as he continues and she wraps her arms tightly around his shoulders. The girl breathes heavy as he starts to move faster, Zach's controlled nature disappearing into his lust. Tristan sucks in a sharp breath.

Zach stops his movements and he brings his face closer to Tristan's, his brown eyes searching hers. His voice is strained, "Do you...want me to stop?"

"No." Tristan whispers, her lips meeting his as he nods and starts to move once more.