I Will Never Love You~Jenzie

13. Anger.

Mackenzie

It's been a day and a half since my hand was broken. I can't go to school, I can't leave the house, I can't do anything. I've just been in my room, thinking. Building up anger that has been in me for years. Everytime I look at my hand, I get mad. Everytime I close my eyes I remember it. The sounds of the laughing and the feeling of my bones breaking. Every single time, I get angry. I haven't talked to anyone in almost two days because I don't want to yell at them, and I know I will if I do. No one is home right now, it's 11 am on a Thursday so everyone is in school and work. Sure, the maids and butlers are here but, they don't bother anyone. I ve been laying on my bed since I woke up at 5:30. I haven't gotten up, haven't eaten, haven't fallen back asleep, I've barely even moved. Just been laying here, angry. Seething, at what they did to me. Angry at everything they've ever said or done to me. I shot up instantly which hurt my head a little but I don't care. I am just so angry that I don't care about anyone or anything. Conner is worried about me since I haven't talked to him but I don't even care about that. I walk over to the door and open it before running down the stairs and into the kitchen. I rummage through the fridge and find my most favorite food in the entire world, pizza. They had it for dinner last night but I didn't come down. I couldn't, I would yell at them and I don't want to hurt their feelings because they haven't done anything to me. Except Johnny, he's fucking annoying. He keeps trying to talk to me and acting like he cares but he doesn't. I took a big bite of the slice that I picked up and smile. I'm just so hungry and I don't give a shit about anything anymore. I've been wearing the same black t shirt, grey sweatpants and black socks for almost two days. I finished it in a few bites and then ate another one. After the two I felt full and a little guilty, but that guilt turned into more anger that I've been holding inside of me. I feel all of my anger come out as I scream and punch the wall that is in front of me. I know that my hand will hurt after but I don't care. I punch it, and punch it. Over and over, until most of my momentary rage is gone. When I'm done my knuckles are bleeding and the wall has a little dent. I just laugh bitterly and go over to the sink and clean my hand.

I decided to just go sit outside and listen to the birds when I finished cleaning my hand. I'm laying on the grass in the backyard with the sun shining down on my face and birds chirping around me. I feel as if I'm in a movie. I wish I was because then I would get a happy ending, maybe I would have actually died a day and a half ago then all this rage and anger and pain that I have right now wouldn't be here. I don't even care if there's an afterlife, I just want this one to end. I've been laying here for who knows how long, drifting in and out of sleep. It's nice and peaceful, no one trying to bother me, no one hurting me, everything is happy out here. I didn't bring my phone with me because I'm sick of the text messages and I don't want to know the time. I just want it to go by quickly so I can go back to sleep again and not have to deal with anything anymore. I was just staring up at the clouds passing above me with my good hand behind my head as a pillow when I heard movement. I internally sighed knowing that I'd have to have human interaction. A little while ago a deer was walking across the yard and we stared at each other for a few minutes, it was like we understood each other in some way that I can't explain. I don't really know how long ago that was, the only time indicator that I have is the position of the sun and the temperature. It seemed as if it was around four pm because the sun was going down a little bit and the air was getting cooler. It's nice though. Whoever was walking towards me was getting closer but I don't care. I just keep staring at the clouds, wishing I could be with them. "Kenz?" The voice asked, and I immediately knew it was the most annoying person in the world. I didn't respond, just kept staring. He came into my view but I didn't look at him. "It's four twenty seven," he said but all I did was shrug. I don't care, I'm probably going to sleep out here tonight. "Why did you leave the house? You know you're not supposed to because you could fall." Oh yeah, they think I'm going to fall because of my concussion. The only effect that this stupid shit has had on me is the pain in my head. Maybe it's the cause of my anger too? Whatever, it doesn't matter. I don't give a fuck. Soon enough I'll be able to leave once and for all. Johnny walked over and laid next to me. I don't want him here but something about it was comforting, which was odd. I don't know why it was comforting and I can't figure it out. More anger piled up on the mountain of it that I already have. "Why haven't you been talking to us?" Johnny asked and I didn't know whether or not I should answer, so I didn't. I closed my eyes and felt the sun kiss my eyelids. It was quiet for a minute but the silence was broken by Johnny eventually. "Are you asleep?" I shook my head no but still didn't open my eyes. "You're cute when you're relaxed," he said and my eyes opened very quickly. It was probably meant to be nice but it just made me mad. This piece of shit has a girlfriend, this piece of shit was once commenting on my ugliness and now he wants to compliment me? Make up your fucking mind you annoying ass bitch. I stood up and started walking to the house without a word. I almost reached the front door but Johnny grabbed my arm but I ripped it out of his grasp causing him to stumble. "Don't fucking touch me," I growled and stared at him. His face looked scared for a second but turned back to normal. "What's your problem?" he asked. That's it, I'm done. I've tried to contain my anger but I can't anymore. Lauren came to the door but I can't hold back anymore. "YOU! YOU'RE MY FUCKING PROBLEM! YOU'RE A COMPLETE CUNT TO ME WHEN WE FIRST MEET AND THEN YOU WANT TO ACT ALL NICE?! WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK THIS IS?! SOME KIND OF GAME?! I HAVE FEELINGS JOHN! AND I FUCKING HATE YOU! I HATE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW!! YOU BLAME ME FOR THIS MARRIAGE SHIT BUT GUESS WHAT?! I DON'T WANT TO MARRY YOU EITHER! AND I WON'T MARRY YOU! I'VE BEEN TORMENTED FOR SO FUCKING LONG AND YOU JUST ADDED ONTO THAT. I'VE NEVER DONE A DAMN THING TO ANYONE IN THAT FUCKING SCHOOL BUT THEY ALL HATE ME. THEY HATE ME SO MUCH THAT THEY BROKE MY FUCKING HAND. AND I STILL HAVE TO GO BACK THERE. I STILL HAVE TO LIVE WITH YOU AND ALL YOUR FAKE SHIT. AND I HAVE TO SEE THE BIGGEST BITCH IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE EVERYTIME YOU'RE HERE BECAUSE SHE'S ALWAYS WITH YOU!! WANNA KNOW SOMETHING JOHNNY BOY?! NADIA WAS THE ONE MY BOYFRIEND CHEATED ON ME WITH! NADIA IS THE LEADER OF THE GROUP THAT HATES ME THE MOST. AND DO YOU CARE?! NO! NO ONE DOES. I JUST WISH I FUCKING DIED THAT DAY SO THAT I DON'T HAVE TO LIVE ON THIS PIECE OF SHIT EARTH ANYMORE. I WANT TO GO JOIN THE ONLY PERSON WHO'S EVER LOVED ME. I WANT TO BE WITH MY DAD. BUT NO. I DON'T GET THAT. I GET A BROKEN FUCKING HAND AND A CONCUSSION AND AN ANNOYING ASS FAKER THAT I HAVE TO MARRY WHILE MY MOTHER FUCKS HER NEW HUSBAND. SHE LEFT ME HERE JUST LIKE MY DAD BUT AT LEAST HE DIDN'T WANT TO LEAVE ME. HE LOVED ME. I FUCKING HATE MYSELF FOR EVERYTHING THAT I AM. WITH EVERY MOLECULE THAT I'M MADE OF. AND I OWE IT ALL TO THE ASSHOLES AT SCHOOL. SO PLEASE, LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE. FOREVER. SOON ENOUGH I'LL BE GONE SO DON'T YOU FUCKING WORRY ABOUT THE MARRIAGE. NOT LIKE YOU WOULD ANYWAY. GO FUCK NADIA FOR THE TENTH TIME IN THREE DAYS ON YOUR COUCH AND LEAVE. ME. ALONE."

I was fuming and I could feel how red my face was. My hand was throbbing because I was moving it around as I yelled. My eyes were so angry that I couldn't even imagine how they must look. My teeth are clenched so hard I'm surprised that they haven't been reduced to dust yet. I don't know how to describe the look on John's face either. I just stared at him for a few seconds then I glanced over at Lauren and her expression was a mix of shock, fear, and pride. My fingernails were digging into my palm from how hard my fist was clenched. My blood was still boiling but I wasn't as angry as I was before. I took one last look at John before walking over to lauren. She immediately moved out of my way when I got to the door. I stomped up the stairs and slammed my door shut so hard the room shook. I locked it but I couldn't stop the anger flowing through me. I screamed with sheer rage before I punched the wall so hard I surely broke my right hand as well. I punched it a few more times but all the anger subsided and fatigue took over. I walked over to my bed and fell into it, slowing down my breathing. My right hand wasn't broken because I could still move it. I just looked at my left one and shook my head before falling asleep once more.

Damn y'all she popped OFF.