I Will Never Love You~Jenzie

15. The Makeup.

RIP Mac Miller. I wasn't a fan but it's sad that someone so young died.

Mackenzie

There was a knock on my door as I pulled on my black ripped jeans. "Who is it?" I called to whoever was outside. "It's Johnny." The voice answered and I rolled my eyes. I looked in his mirror and saw myself clad in nothing but jeans, a bra, and socks. "Fucking fat ass," I muttered and looked away. I have to go to school today and face everyone there. So long story short, I am NOT thriving. All of my feelings about myself returned after I admitted out loud that I hate myself. I've felt it for a while but I've just tried to avoid it. "Kenzie?" Johnny called from behind the door and I was snapped out of my thoughts. "What do you want?" I asked annoyed as I pulled on a plain purple pocket t shirt. "I wanna talk to you, I woke up at 4:20am just so I could because I knew you would be awake soon." He's right, it's 4:54 right now and I woke up twenty minutes ago. "Kenz?" he called again and I walked to the door and flung it open. He looked really fucking good, like really good. He was leaning against the doorframe in a white Off White t shirt, black ripped jeans, and black socks. His hair was done nicely and he smiled his cute smile that showed off his straight white teeth. I don't like John but I can admit that he's fucking hot. I cleared my throat after I finished checking him out and looked into his eyes. "What do you want?" I asked and folded my arms across my chest. His smile turned into an annoying smirk that I've seen him use on Lauren before that I can't stand. "Well, I know you want me, based off of how you just stood there, checking me out for five minutes." I scoffed and rolled my eyes but the blush that appeared on my cheeks made him laugh. This is so confusing. One minute he's a jerk, but the next he's nice and funny. At first he hated me, then apologized and was nice to me, but then just yesterday he told me to kill myself.

"What do you want?" I asked again, ignoring his comment. He laughed again and his smirk turned back into that smile that I like. "Cmon, please just talk to me before school? I need to explain myself for yesterday and we need to talk about you going back to school." his smile that was there before was replaced with a serious expression that let me know he wasn't kidding. I didn't want to go with him but I know that I should. He could tell I was conflicted because he softly took one of my hands and forced me to look in his eyes. "Please?" he said quietly. It was like all of the anger and hate I had towards him, towards everyone, disappeared and I nodded, allowing him to interlace our fingers and lead me downstairs.

I was sitting at the table waiting for him to finish pouring his cup of coffee when he spoke up. "How the hell do you do this everyday? I'm practically sleepwalking." he said groggily and I laughed at his ridiculousness. A grin appeared on his face and he turned towards me with two cups in his hands before setting them down on the table and sitting in front of me. I took the one that was closest to me and took a sip. He raised an eyebrow and I just shrugged, "Tastes better without sweeteners and stuff" I said and he just nodded before taking a sip of his and grimacing at the taste. "No, you're just weird." he said and poured some creamer in. I laughed and sipped my coffee again. There was a few minutes of silence between us before he spoke again. "So, let's start on yesterday." I nodded and he continued. "I didn't mean anything that I said. Nadia said it to me before I left so it was just fresh in my mind, and when you got me mad I said it because I knew it would hurt your feelings." "It didn't hurt my feelings John," I interrupted, "I get it all the time, it didn't really faze me." His eyes saddened and he nodded but continued. "Well, I was trying to hurt your feelings because I was mad. I have anger issues, serious ones. Nadia got me really angry before I left, insulting you and she stopped me from doing something that I really needed to do. I took it out on you and said one of the most vulgar things in the world. You didn't deserve that, I'm sorry." As I stared into his eyes I could tell that he was sincere.