Detroit Become Human - Loving You

NOT A CHAPTER

If u dont want to read this then u dont have to. Also if u notice it looks kinda like texting is because I'm writing this message on my phone, so ,sorry about that. So anyway....

Hello 👋

I wanted to start this off by saying sorry. I'm REALLY REALLY sorry for not posting for SO long. I think I've been dealing with the biggest hurtle of my life and I'm finally cruising on the path to good health with just a few little bumps in the road. I still need to fix my mind a bit more though so in this scenario I have a car with alot of damage. I'm getting there and I hate that I left all of u in the dark so I'm gonna tell u a bit of what's been going on because I dont feel comfortable telling all the details.

I'm a pretty small girl. 17 weighs about 102 and around 5 foot. If u take all that into consideration and u do something really dumb you end up in the hospital for a night. I wont tell u what I did but I mean this when I say it DONT DO DRUGS. they fuck u up and ur left with problems for a LONG time. So back to the story.

I made a mistake (I think u can already guess what it is by what I said) I was fine at first. Then tried to sleep and that's when everything went wrong. I started seeing things that weren't there or that were there that became distorted. It was probably the most terrifying thing of my life. I was sent to the hospital in an ambulance and stayed there for a while. After everything happened, happened I was left with the karma of my mistake. I saw things, and felt things, and couldnt be left alone.

The dark become the most terrifying thing for me and shapes was a second. Anything square or rectangular moved around and sometimes it looked like it was getting closer to me. I began to have horrible panic attacks which caused this burning feeling in my chest or it felt like I needed to move but no matter how much I did it didnt make it better. I always had to be moving, in fear that if I stopped something would happened and I really didnt want to find out what.

So for 2 months, all of my summer break, I spent my time never leaving the couch and most the night trying to sleep but couldnt. My sleep schedule was... none existant. And my social life was rittled into just talking to ONE SINGLE PERSON. He was the person I called for 3 days straight after my hospital visit because the world around me didnt look anything like how it was before. He came to my house once while I was home alone because I was having a panic attack so bad that it hurt. He stayed up with me late nights making sure to send me good vibes and to make sure i didnt do anything stupid. Hes an amazing friend who has been there for me since the beginning of this journey to heal and I cant thank him enough.

Every month after  I had something new to worry about. First it was seeing things, then it was pain, and now its school. Being in school while trying to recover is the worse because some things make it worse. Like for example last year I could have EASILY    presented a project in front of the class, even in the class full of people who dont like me but last week when I had to, i shut down. I worked hard on my slides and new what I had to say but the thought of saying anything In front of those people who like to hurt me????? Nope Nope Nope. So I cried and shook and tried to not show I wanted to run out of the room.

Just yesterday I was taking a test and I'm usually fine, I even had notes but I couldnt stop moving my foot so I rushed the test and asked to go to the bathroom and didnt come back for 20 minutes. Normal basic things become hard especially when you've only been diagnosed with anxiety a month ago and still haven't been able to control it.

There are some days I completely forget about the past. I forget about that night entirely and it makes me so happy but then I remember again. I'm slowly getting back to normal. I'm so close I can almost taste it.

So my past few months have been really hard for me. I'm thankful for all the amazing messages and a few of u messaging me just checking up. It means a lot and I'm gonna start writing the next official chapter. Ik what ur thinking "you haven't even started writing it?????" Well yes becusse like said before shapes aren't my favorite and computers are a rectangular shape so I had to wait a while until I could look at it without freaking out. If all else fails I'll try writing it on my phone but that will take a lot longer because I'm not used to writing on my phone. So I hope u lovely people can wait just a teenie tiny bit longer. I'll try to make it really worth it. So thanks again. If u have an questions I'll try to answer them and if u maybe want to know me a bit more on a personal level (like favorite food, movies, stuff like that) I could do a QnA for u.

Well I hope u guys have an amazing day and I'll write to u all later bye bye~