Fire on the Horizon

Chapter 5: When it Rains it Pours

Shepard moved through the corridors of the Normandy. She was pissed, had no idea where she was actually going, and honestly just need to get it out of her system. Before she knew it she was standing at the main battery. The doors slid shut behind her and her back hit the wall. She slid down to the floor and just sat there for a moment. He wasn't there. Was he anywhere? Was he on Palaven watching the vids from Earth wondering if she was there?

She took a deep breath. "Pull yourself together. Mars. You have to go to Mars. Get that sorted, figure the rest of it out, and..."

Her thoughts were caught off by the door opening. She looked up to see Kaidan standing in the entryway. Funny, weren't they in this position once before she thought to herself. She looked up at him as he slowly moved to her and knelt down to her level.

"You okay Shepard?" His voice was sincere enough. She was sure he was really concerned. The problem was all she could see was Horizon. All she could hear was the anger and hurt. All she could see is him trying to make something better that was already shattered.

She nodded at him and started to go with the standard I'm okay speech. On a whim she decided to just be herself and be honest. Something she actually rarely did when they were together because she was always handling his emotional response to everything.

"Kaidan, i have spent the last six months locked up in a nicely decorated cage. I haven't been able to go shower without being watched or listened to for fear of what I may do. I haven't been able to stay in contact with any friends, my mother, or with....well anyone. Earth came to a crashing hault around us today. Less than three hours ago I was standing before the Alliance board and now I'm on the Normandy. I've been reinstated into a nightmare and frankly you were on the station for 6 months right there with me and never asked how the fuck I was doing. So, shitty. Just. Yeah, shitty covers it Kaidan."

Kaidan stood up and blinked a bit. He had heard her be that blunt with others, but never with him.

"Shepard I..." He started to speak and frankly she didn't care. He had had a year to speak to her from the moment they reunited on Horizon until she took the collector base. He had 6 months to speak to her anytime he wanted while she was being held for questioning. The fact that he decided now was a good time made her sick.

She was about to rip into him when Joker came over the coms. "Commander, we're approaching Mars. ETA 10 minutes."

Shepard allowed Joker to be her voice right now. She pushed past Kaidan and began the walk to her quarters to gear up. Ten minutes later she was boarding the shuttle to Mars wondering how she would get everyone through this mess.

Mars turned out to be better than expected for Shepard. She was reunited with Liara, found out there was some sort of device that could be the answer they needed, and she got back into action. It was awful for her in other ways. Kaidan had spent half the damn time accusing her over and over like a jealous boyfriend. Which, she supposed he was in a way. Her last words to him had been to eff off and get over it. Either he trusted her or didn't. A few moments later he was being slammed against a shuttle at full force, bones breaking, and all she could do was stop the thing that did it.

They got him back to the Normandy and stabilized. He wasn't awake, but at least he wasn't dead. Joker haad them headed to the CItadel as fast as he could get them there.

Shepard had decided to take the downtime and get her thoughts together. She was sitting in the starboard lounge when Liara came in.

Liara put her hand on Shepards shoulder as she walked by and took a seat on one of the loungers.

"I'd ask how you are, but I know the answer. What happened to Kaidan. Shepard that wasn't your fault."

Shepard looked up and at Liara. She sighed, leaned back, and crossed one leg over her other knee. "Liara, I know that. The commander in me is thankful he may be okay. Kaidan is a good soldier and we need as many of those we can get in this war."

"But?"

"I hate that you know me so well." Shepard smirked.

"It's my job as a friend. Now, what's the issue?" Liara took a sip of some tea while she watched her friend for a response.

"The civilian side of me would have been relieved. Oh, man. That sounds worse coming out of my mouth. I feel horrible." Shepard dropped her had down looking at her boots.

Liara smiled and shook her head. "The differences between my people and yours are staggering at times like this. Shepard it is natural to have that feeling. You were with him for two years. You die and are gone for two years. You reunite with him and instead of being understandably shocked he rips into you. He acts as if you are the one to blame. That you did it as some elaborate way to break it off with him." She took a breath and stood to make more tea.

Shepard leaned back. "How did you know that? You weren't there."

Liara turned and eyed her with a smirk. "THe Shadow Broker has eyes everywhere."

Shepard nodded as Liara continued. "He ripped your heart out, accused you of treason, and then just walked off. You lost him twice in effect. He comes back and says sorry. You don't have to accept that Shepard. Then when you meet up again he is still accusing you. Of course it would be a relief. The pain would be over."

"Liara it was brutal. The fact that it happened in front of crew members. It was devastating. How could I go back to him after that?"

Liara nodded. "Do you feel guilty? That the pain with Kaidan lead you to the peace with Garrus? Do you feel guilty that you found some sort of happiness?"

Shepard winced. "Guilty? No, not guilty. God. Garrus. Liara I don't even know if he is okay. If he feels the same. If he..."

Liara laughed a bit. "Shepard, Garrus adores you. He is more devoted to you than anyone I've ever known. He even turned down..." She stopped realizing she had said too much.

Shepard perked up. "Turned down what?"

"I was watching some feeds from Palaven. He was invited out several times. He would go, have a decent time with the other soldiers. If a female asked him out, he would always say he was taken. He would thank them. He would be polite. But always said he was taken. Shepard, he is devoted. He even ordered videos on human customs. Didn't you get his letters?" Liara stood to put her cup in the small sink of the lounge. When she turned she realized that Shepard had no idea.

"No, they wouldn't let me get any correspondance. Liara could you.." They were caught off by Joker's voice.

"Commander? We are about to dock with the Citadel. And Shepard? Palaven is under attack. It started this morning. I've got coms open. I'm....trying to find...well yeah." Joker sounded uncomfortable. He looked at Shepard as a mix of a best friend and older sister. He just wanted to make it better for her somehow.

Shepard looked at Liara and they both rushed out to suit up for docking, getting Kaidan to the hospital, and speaking to the council.