Fire on the Horizon

Chapter 42: Realizations of Self

Garrus entered the cockpit area of the Normandy and leaned on the barrier wall just to the left of Joker. He didn't say anything. He just stood staring out at the empty space in front of them. Edi's fingers made slight clicking noises on her console as she entered in whatever data it was that she dealt with day in and day out. Edi stood and left the area, saying something about going to the engineering deck. Joker finally shook his head, in a bit of annoyance, and turned his chair to Garrus.

"What happened down there? And don't tell me the shit that EDI fed me with the basic rundown. What really happened?"

Garrus sighed and turned to look at Joker. He finally walked over and sat down in EDI's seat, trying to get comfortable.

"There was a computer lab. One of the systems had camera feeds from the Lazarus project. One of the feeds talked about the extensiveness of her injuries. It was bad. They practically rebuilt her and she was...." He paused for a second. It was clear Garrus was taken back by the information himself. The reality of it was still hitting him.

He had always thought of her being dead simply as that. She had been spaced, she lost oxygen, she died. He never thought about how extensive it had to have been. It never occurred to him. He simply knew that the Lazarus project had brought her back. He didn't know how fast they had grabbed her, what they had to work with, anything. She was back and that's what he cared about it.

He took a deep breath and braced himself. "She was braindead. They had just enough to work with. Literally just enough."

Joker shook his head. "I knew it was bad. I was there Garrus. There was no way they wouldn't have to rebuild some parts of her. I'm guessing from the way she's robotically going through the motions the last two days that she isn't taking it well."

Garrus nodded. "Indeed, she is not. She is questioning everything. How much of her is her. What of her is implants and what is still Jane. She's even questioning if she was built to make the choices she is making. It's pretty bad. I've tried to tell her that she is still her. She needs to have that moment. She needs to see it and feel it and know it. I can't do that for her."

Joker nodded. He looked worried. Garrus took a deep sigh and stood up. He felt so much older than his years at that moment. The war was growing old. The loss was growing old. He was tired. He just wanted it all to be over. He wanted peace to come. He longed for the meetings and the appointments and the vids that would come from interviews following everything. He almost begged for it. It would be chaos, but it would be welcomed chaos.

He patted Joker on the shoulder, gently, and stepped out of the cockpit. "When are we set to arrive for shore leave?"

Joker looked at the console. "Twelve hours."

Garrus just nodded and made his way to the battery.