Everyone Breaks 3

25. Hurt & Surprised

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A/N

Here's a fairly long chapter. Hope you enjoy.

Also, I hope you all enjoy the rest of your Friday & Saturday for some of you. 😊🤗

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**Zoe's POV**

I woke up to the heat of Pav's body wrapped around me. I guess I moved in the night like usual, because I went to sleep with my back to his chest and awoke to find myself facing him cuddled into his arms. I had strangly mixed feelings being in the position I was in.

He was right, I did choose to be here.  most of all, I chose not to leave my daughter's alone in their hands. If they really would've let me go, which I doubt, they would probably make me the villain in the story they tell them. Mommy left you because she didn't love you enough to stay. We will teach you how to sell woman like mommy and educate you on how normal and necessary it is for business.

Last night Pav told me everything that has happened to me has been from decisions that I have made. His beating the crap out of me was my fault, because I tried to run the first day. I guess if I would just submitted and  yielded my heart, soul and body to them without fuss, I would only have been giving some pain by him like he did last night.

I couldn't live knowing that they would take my sweet girls and turn them into miniature versions of them. I couldn't walk away from them to not ever see, smell or touch them again. Knowing the guys, they'd do something like send me pictures of the girls near an abused woman titled "first lesson in how to punishment".  Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe they wouldn't put them in this life. Maybe they'd turn out like Mila. Knowing crap is going on, but staying out of it. But as I layed in Pav's abusive warm arms, I couldn't understand why I didnt hate him as much a I should.

The room was dark and I had no clue what time it was. I was naked in bed with him and his grip around me, proved control and ownership, even in his sleep. If someone looked at us from the outside in, not knowing what they do for a living, they would think we were just a peaceful couple laying in bed.

I wondered if he was really sleep of faking it. I looked up to wear his face should be. In the darkness I formed from memory how he looked when he was asleep. He's not violent when he's sleep. That's the true benefit of him at rest. I stared up in the void of darkness. Did I hate him, did I love him and just not know it. Hate.. love.. they're both just words to express complex emotions.

My hand was on his chest. With every breath me took,my hand would rise. I needed to make up my mind on how I felt about him. I need to remember the pain he gave me and not focus on the warm hold, the gentle hands or the words of love he said to me. Every women wants to be told she's beautiful. He knows how to play me. He knows the way to my heart.

I hated myself every time he made me thank him for the pain. I hated myself when I had to follow orders and say I loved him. But then just like with Zac or Willem. The minds starts to believe that this is what I deserve and want. "I love you. You know what's best for me. Thank you for spanking and or abusing me." All these things I have to say for them. It takes a part of me.

I wished I could stay in this moment with this Pav. This peaceful space where he doesnt open his mouth and ruin it with some comment to show his control over me. This moment is one I can trust. Its peaceful with no risk of lies coming from his mouth. I moved my hand down his chest feeling his muscles torso. I slowly moved my hand up towards where he was shot. I finally felt his scar. He moved a little at my touch. I should've stopped  there but I didn't.