Everyone Breaks 3

50. pt1 Closing Doors

I didn't know how it happened but I was dropped into a circle of confusion. I looked at the 2 pregnancy test I was given by Mila. She insisted that I take one, since I had been more tired than usual, not hungry in the morning and making tacos every other day for lunch. I told her I just needed to take more vitamins and I liked Mexican food, but surprise surprise she went shopping with Warren and brought back some test. I don't even know if he knew she got them.

"Just try them. If you're not, then you can go about your Betty Crocker life as usual." That's what she said that made me agree to take them. She said Warren didn't know about the test and she wouldn't tell him if it was positive because it was my business. Both of the tests came back pregnant and that I was over 3 weeks pregnant (the highest it could detect). Mila seemed happy for me as I stood there thinking maybe if I starred hard enough it would change to "Not Pregnant"

If I were honest with myself, I think I knew this for a while now, I just didn't want to admit it to myself. I love Warren, but how is this going to work. Sibling cousins sound ridiculous for one thing. I've been feeling... 'off' for weeks now. It was just like with the girls. What was I going to do?

We've been married 2 months and now surprise. I'm not ready, but there's not much I could do at this point. I don't think Mila can keep her mouth shut too long. She's really cool and she's helped me as a sister, but she also has a big mouth and likes to say what she feels. I don't know how this happened. The two times I slept with Warren, he used protection and before that, I took the pills he gave me. Other then that, we've just been doing oral.

It's like he was making sure this wouldn't happen to me. He was the last person I slept with before I was sent away and he even snuck me pills that final time. I bet it was the non-knockoff knockoff pills he got me. They were probably weak. Maybe I should tell him. Before it slips from Mila's lips accidentally during a conversation. "Damn Zo, you look like your cat just died. Why are you surprised after all those times I heard you two fücking."

I looked at her wide-eyed. She was very blunt that's for sure. "Maybe because I'm not exactly ready to have another child. My first two are still babies. What if its twins again! "

She looked at me "Ok first of all, calm down. If you don't want the next one, I'll raise her or him for you as my own. Like a baby rental," she had jokes I see. She was half serious and I could tell.

"Look Zoe. You definitely aren't showing anything yet, so once you start, you can worry about it then. For now, just act like everything is normal until you're ready to tell Warren. I mean honestly, I'm fückin happy for you. The girls are gorgeous and I'm sure the next kid or kids will be too. If you need help, just tell Warren to get you a nanny." She shrugged and walked out of the room.

Maybe I'm still in a dream. Whatever this is, I've been really happy and I'll just continue with that for now. I'll tell Warren when I'm good and ready.

Mila and Warren have been privately talking quite a bit lately. I mean it's fine because they're family, but then it's strange when they have a conversation in front of me then turn around and as to talk in the other room.
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2 days after this conversation, Mila told me she had to leave. She had to deal with important things and work issues from being away from the UK for so long. I was actually going to miss her. She was the only Holzer, other than Warren's mom, that never really pissed me off. Warren took her somewhere and returned almost two hours later. I spent the time watching the girls, reading the bible, eating and making chocolate chip cookies. I fed the girls and then he was back. I was happy he was back because unlike the girls, at least he answers me back.

"Welcome home honey," I said in my 1950s happy TV housewife voice" he looked at me seriously "Zo, we need to talk. I need to tell you something and you need to promise me you won't get angry or yell, ok babe" I looked at him with a furrowed brow. What was it now? Last time we had a talk, he told me his dad called and said I hung up on him. It was right after I answered the burner phone when he was sleep. Needless to say, his dad wasn't happy and neither was Warren. He said I was trying to make things worse. Maybe Mila told him about the dang pregnancy. We both went over to the sofa near the girls.