handle [discontinued]

SUMMER // 1

I haven't stopped crying. It was more of a hushed cry, the cry you make where your lip is twitching after you got a real good whooping. I've been sitting by the chair closest to the surgery room doors. I've only moved once since I got here and that was to get a water from the lounge.

Ray went to the bookstore on the first floor, and I didn't go with him. It was weird because I loved the bookstore so much, and every time I went, I bought a book.

There was no one else in the surgery waiting room, and it was rather large for a waiting room. And it was rather lonely.

The doors to the surgery waiting room opened, and that was the second time I moved. Two girls alongside a sleeping boy in the bed like my mother's with a man following behind them. One girl looked older than the other, probably a year younger than I. The boy went into the surgery room, and I got a look at him. His left eye looked really puffy.

The older girl sat across from me, and I could see her eyes looking at the floor. They darted to mine, and I looked at the floor.

"Hey." She spoke softly. I looked up again.

"Hi." I wiped my face and I realize that my tears were almost dry.

"I'm Dulcé."

"Drew." She got up and sat besides me. We didn't speak for what felt like a long time. "Was that your brother?" I asked.

"Yup." She popped the P like bubblegum.

"What happened?"

"We were packing because we were going to be leaving for East St. Louis with our grandmother. I'm cleaning my room and packing when my brother burst in my room and hides in my closet. I yell, of course, telling him to get out of my room. My sister over there," She points to a girl sleeping in a chair. "comes in my room and yells that she's found my brother."

"My brother launches up from the hiding space in the closet and he screams demonically. I yell at him to shut up, but when I open the closet door his frickin face is bleeding, especially the place around his eye." I wince in pain but she's still and she laughs a little. "Since my Dad is at the gym, i run outside to get to the neighbors, but my Dad is already in driveway. I yell at him to get in the house and the next thing you know I'm giving my brother's date of birth to the woman at the emergency room entrance."

"What happened to him?" I asked, holding my hands together.

"My closet hook went into his tear duct." She said blankly. I shivered.

"So he's getting surgery now?" She nodded.

Dulce's father, I'm guessing, called her over telling her that she was going over to her Mom's. Dulcé nodded again.

"It was nice meeting you." She hugged me. I hugged her back. I needed that.

"You too." We had only talked to her for a few minutes.

A few minutes after Dulcé left, Ray had returned with a little green book in his hand.

"What's that?"

"Have you read The Perks of Being A Wallfower?"

"I've heard of it, but I haven't read it. I've seen it on tumblr a few times, and I've been wanting to read it for a while." I shrugged and he handed it to me.

"Read it. I read it when it came out and I loved it." Ray sat down next to me and I began reading.

saturday, 1:27am

I was halfway through the book and I loved it. I knew I heard 'And in that moment, I swear we were infinite.' from Tumblr, i just had no idea where it came from. Thank you, Tumblr.

Ray was asleep and no doctor had come out yet. I want to see the doctor, but then again i for.

saturday, 2:03am

I was on Part 4 of the book when Amberly the Doctor came out. Ray was sleeping, but I woke him up.

She came out in doctor gear, but she didn't have on any gloves. She wasn't smiling either. She handed me a piece of paper.

Dear Drew,

Since you're reading this, by now I have passed on with God in heaven. Please don't cry. I miss you so much and I love you dearly. I want you to know that you are a blessing and I love you and Nano more than anything.

I'm sorry I couldn't be with you as long I wished to, but we all have a time and mine came and went. I know you are probably crying right now because you couldn't handle your emotions. But right now, I bet I'm smiling down from heaven at you it was stupid of me to tell you not to cry.

Before this letter ends, I want you to know that life is a blessing. And as soon as we are born, we are already dying. So you have to live life before it kills you. And never commit suicide, because that's a one way ticket to hell.

I will love you and Nano forever. Always know that.

Love you both,

Mom