handle [discontinued]

SUMMER // 2

sunday, noon, home

Cause everybody dies in the summer

When you say goodbye, tell me while it's spring

I heard everybody's dying in the summer

So pray to God for a little more spring

I was sitting in Moms bed now. I wasn't crying hard. There were just tears coming down my face. I didn't even make a noise.

Mom died a week ago. Nano and I cried like this earlier today. The service was at ten this morning. I didn't rain today, it was actually pretty sunny. There were a fair amount of people at the service. Mr. & Mrs. August were there along with Alicia and Rashaad, Ray too. Mr. Johnson and Ms. Xanos came too. Surprisingly, Bianca and Autumn came. And of course Denim, Cayron, Berah, and Jax came. Chance came and I didn't pay him any attention.

I winced in pain a little more now. I cut myself again. Right below the original cut. The blood fell onto a tissue I had used to wipe my tears. I just watched the blood leave my body in apathy. I wasn't gonna kill myself, but it was a living hell going through all of this.

I went down into the basement and pulled out a big photo album. It had all the pictures I took and other photographers took in it. There was a special place for me when I was an only child, Mom and Dad's wedding, and Nano when he was a baby. Then all the pictures of me, Mom, and Nano when we got older.

There were some of Nano's fifth birthday, my fifth birthday, Mom's 40th and other times. We were all so happy then.

I began to relive all of those memories. I couldn't remember all of them, but I really did try. I just laid back in that bed and dreamed.

I went to the front in the living room and pulled out an old mason jar from the kitchen. We had tons of these. I got some hand sanitizer and poured a little to the bottom of the jar. I smothered some cotton balls in petrole jelly and dropped it in there with it. I grabbed my bloody tissue and dropped it in there, too. I got a match by the fire place, lit it, and dropped it in. The fire caught from the fumes of the hand sanitizer, and I just watched it burn.

It continued to burn and I sat it in the sink, surrounding it with water. I went back to mom's room and looked at her portrait. I stared at it for what seemed like forever, then I got an idea.

Above it, I pinned a nail and hung the flower crown over it. I wrote in sharpie on the wall her date of birth and her death date.

She looked beautiful and radiant as ever.

- sorry for the short chapters, next one will be longer :)