handle [discontinued]

WINTER // 1

It was already colder than usual, and winter had just started. I finished my applications this weekend, and I had sent them in. Everyone was trying to get their's done around them same time, and I was relieved that I wouldn't have to worry about this anymore.

The majority of the colleges I applied for were in state, but there were four colleges I really wanted to get into. There was one in of state, Emory University, and the other three that were out of state were Iowa University, New York University (NYU), and Brown University.

So now all I had to do was wait until early March of next year to find if and/or where I was accepted.

Now all of us, excluding Cayron and Jax, were standing on the right side of the hall discussing which colleges we wanted to go to.

Monroe said she wanted to go to a college that was in Georgia, probably Georgia Perimeter. The rest of us wanted to get out of state. Avi was gonna go back home to England to attend a college there. I think it was called Chelsea University, and it was an arts school. I didn't know what Avi wanted to do, but I didn't ask him because he never brought it up himself.

We went our separate ways seconds after the bell rang.

"There's a party tonight."

Denim, Autumn, Avi and I were sitting at a round table, all of us eating. When Denim brought up the the topic of a party happening tonight, everyone focuse on the details of the party.

We had found out from Denim who found out from Cayron, and they were contacting each other through FaceTime audio right now. Cayron had found out from Jax, which was surprising since they were fighting a few days ago and now were the best of friends again.

"There's a pool and alcohol." Cayron said from the other side of Denim's iPhone 6s.

"And of course there's gonna be drugs." Berah spoke, those being the first words I'd heard from him in days. I still wasn't talking

"How do you know, smart ass?" Denim asked with a smirk on his face.

He shrugged his shoulders simply. "What party wouldn't have drugs?"

"That's true." Autumn nodded, her hands under the table in her lap.

Cayron began scolding Autumn with questions if she had done drugs and other things that had nothing to do with it.

"Anyway," Denim rolled his eyes, turning down the volume on his hand sized phone. "Y'all wanna go?"

"I'm down." Berah said instantly.

"Someone's eager." Monroe mumbled fairly audibly.

"Speak up." Berah turned to Monroe, using his hand as a microphone.

She chuckled and pushed his hand away. "I'm going too."

"Me too, then." I raised my hand. It would be good to get out this weekend, especially since I had just finished my applications.

We had settled out driving, meet ups if things got dangerous, and who would be the sober ones to drive everyone home. I wasn't a big fan of drinking, especially since we were all underaged. And I'd be damned if I'd let anyone drive my truck.

I was extremely excited. This was the first time I would be going to an actual party. The other ones weren't official, since those were birthday parties for little kids or cookouts having older adults with younger kids. Now I would be going with people my age.

Autumn, Monroe, and I made it to the party. The music was blasting through everyone's ear, threatening to make them bleed if they didn't come to the party.

Before parking a little ways away from the house, I asked if Monroe and Autumn wanted to be dropped off. They said they were fine; they wanted to walk in together and see where the boys were. On the way walking up there, we could see people outside, some smoking, some behind the bushes.

The house's core was erupting with music, most of it being the latest hits in rap music. Denim texted me right as I pulled my phone out to text him. He told me where he was, in the kitchen by the refrigerator.

Before I could turn to face the direction of what looked like the kitchen, Monroe and Autumn were already gone. I turned a corner and bumped into a couple who were one second from shedding their clothes. I apologized, not facing them and turned the other way.

Now I had made so many turns that I was back to that raunchy couple. I still faced down, walking away just to avoid them. Then a rough hand grabbed my wrist. It turned me to face, and soon Denim was right in my line of vision.

"You passed the kitchen, so I came to get you."

I smiled, silently thanking him as his grip softened.

Denim looked amazing in this shady light, his good side of being illuminated by the light that was coming from the well-lit kitchen across the hallway.

He told me that he missed me, which surprised me because we hadn't seen each other before this in at least 4 hours. His grip on my wrist tightened and soon the space between us was sealed like the vacuums of space.

While he kissed me, his hand slid down my side, and his grip on my wrist seceded, similarly like the heat I was emitting. His hand reached into my back pocket and squeezed, like you were squeezing a stress ball.

He asked me if I wanted to dance, and with my answer he took me by the hand and led me to the living room.

A song that I didn't know the name of played, and I grew a liking to the song. We weaved through dozens of couples and grinding people to make it where Denim wanted to take me.

He stopped and turned, and we both got familiar to the way the song made the house vibrate. My backside connected with the front of him, and I let myself move freely against. His hands lay on my waist, caution ally holding them, only holding and moving me.

I turned to face Denim, and he had a look on his face. I don't know what I call it, it was common but it was differentiated with the way his head tilted. Hunger? Hesitation? Want?

I simply couldn't figure it out.

"I know you're not much of drinker,"

Not at all, Denim.

"But would you wanna try something else?"

I had an idea of what he wanted to do. Drugs. I looked to the side, now being the hesitant one. I wasn't going to anything life threatening or addicting, like heroine or cocaine. I think I would kill Denim if he suggested I try them or if he were already hooked. I did not want to grow up having a drug addict as an ex-boyfriend.

Now, close to the origin of the dance floor, I could see a familiar face going down into the basement. He wore glasses, a jean jacket, and a Travis Scott t-shirt.

It looked like Berah.

My feet left my walking body and went to wherever Denim took me. They kicked my sneakers off, and soon my thigh left me too and went into Denim's large, clenching hand.

I was trying to catch my breath, below Denim's hands were moving slow while his lips were ahead of the game. My head had to stay here, I had to try at least. My body was already long gone, Denim caressing it like Zeus twiddling his lighting bolts.

I gasped and jerked forward, Denim's warm fingers slipping inside of my jeans.

"I'm sorry, I should've asked."

They left their previous place, and I grabbed them before they got too far away. "No, no." I protested. I wanted him to move forward. I nodded as he looked at me. I now figured out the word for how Denim was looking at me early.

Uncertain.

"I'm sure." I rest them on my stomach for a second and unzipped my pants. My hoodie was already gone, and only under it I was wearing a black sports bra. Slowly and a bit tentatively, Denim's hand pulled back the hem of my underwear. My skinny jeans left my body as my feet did, resting near them somewhere on the floor.

No longer tentative, as it was much too late for that, Denim's two fingers were now inside of me. They moved in and out at a walking pace, which sounds slow but was the exact opposite. He was slow with me for not even a minute. He was high, and like everyone else, he wasn't good at making steady decisions.

I whispered his name, and all he could do was observe how his fingers moved. He looked back up at me, and leaned forward to kiss me. Lord Jesus, he wasn't sneaky to try and distract me with this kiss and speed up. I bit his lip, and his lips formed to show a goofy smile on his face.

Now he was muttering under his breath, groaning and moaning, occasionally pulling his fingers out nearly all the way.

Just as I thought I could feel a volcano in my bladder and where Denim touched me, there was a commotion downstairs.

I remember almost missing the bus in middle school; I woke up late since I couldn't hear my alarm. I had ten minutes to get dressed and get out of the house before it came. Mom had already left for work, and I did not want to run to school. I got dressed and was out of the house and dressed in exactly 10 minutes. And I made the bus.

Now the police were here and we had thirty seconds to get out before one of them came upstairs and arrested us for drug use.

And finding me half naked.

I threw my shoes out the window and Denim helped me down. I'm glad the first floor wasn't as far from the ground as I thought it was. As Denim made his way down, I had already slipped my Roshe's on and was making a mad dash for my car.

I looked behind me, and Denim was already at my side, running with me. The only thing I could think of was Beyoncé and Jay Z's On the Run concert I'd seen on TV last year.