ｈｍｕ？

B-b-bitches b trippin

Hi sorry really quick note before the good shit, so uh my phone got banned from the WiFi at school because some asswads like to spam their message boards and all the notifications I kept getting from them was clogging up the WiFi so if you are one of those people, thanks you absolute fucking dillweed. So anyways, that's why I've been so inactive. Sorry. But on the plus side, I am looking for a job so I'll be able to pay for phone minutes and stuff. So yeah. To the story now.
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Lance:
Okay so there is this fucking bitch at school okay

Nico:
I'll kick his ass.

Lance:
she's a girl

Nico:
I'll kick h e r ass.

Lance:
she has such an obvious crush on me

Keith:
I'll kick her ass.

Lance:
GUYS WAIT THERES MORE

Lance:
so I hang out with Mikey and Brendon bc they're in my grade right. Well Mikey was at some field trip for computer nerds and Brendon was skipping with Ryan so I had nO ONE TODAY

Keith:
ur all about to get fought

Nico:
I WANT TO GO TO YOUR SCHOOL ID SIT WITH U FRANKIE

Will:
IM SORRY OKAY I COULDNT HELP IT

Sun:
I wanted to get laid alright Ryan is better now.

Moon:
yeah my collar bone is pretty much healed

Lance:
wELL THAT BITCH SAT WITH ME TODAY AT LUNCH

Lance:
AND SHE KEPT FLIRTING WITH ME EVEN THOUGH I TOLD HER I WAS IN A RELATIONSHIP AND THAT I AM NOT 100% MALE TODAY OKAY

Lance:
but you wanna know what she said

Keith:
yes

Lance:
she said "you have a penis and I want it in me"

Lance:
I ALMOST SLAPPED HER IN THE FUCKING FACE

Keith:
I'm gonna stab her in the neck

Will:
I'll stab her first

Sun:
want me to pretend to be your boyfriend so she'll leave you alone

Sun:
like I'm being legit I'll walk you to class and everything and give you hugs.

Lance:
I appreciate the offer but what about Ryan??

Moon:
k me and Brendon act like the other doesn't exist when we are at school so like,,,,

Sun:
^^

Lance:
then yeah that'd be cool as long as Gerard says it's okay

Keith:
as long as he doesn't kiss you directly on the mouth or tries to touch you inappropriately then yeah whatever it takes to make that bitch back off

Sun:
I'll have them home by 6:30 sir

Keith:
make it five and we got a deal.

Sun:
yessir

Lance:
okay so if you're my fake boyfriend I want Cheetos at lunch tomorrow

Sun:
deal

Sun:
hey Ryan can I get a dollar so I can buy Frankie Cheetos

Moon:
ofc babe ily

Sun:
awwww babe 💚💚💚

Nico:
yo my boyfriend went to Walmart today on that field trip and didn't even buy me a pizza this is racist

Will:
I AM NOT BUYING YOU AN ENTIRE FROZEN PIZZA WHILE ON A FIELD TRIP PETE

Nico:
I would do it for you

Will:
okay fine next time I go to Walmart on a fieldtrip I'll buy you a frozen pizza are u happy now

Nico:
Yeah.

Moon:
Buy me a rlly big Monster pls

Will:
I actually did buy three of those and I drank them all in five minutes and when I got home I took the best nap of my fucking life.

Lance:
ohhhh that explains it

Will:
yeah.

Lance:
Mikey brought me home a heath bar

Keith:
I WANT ONE

Will:
you are literally at work at a gas station fucking buy one loser

Keith:
Pete was right this is racist

Will:
HOW IS THIS RACIST WE ARE BOTH WHITE AS HELL

Keith:
idk ur the racist one

Will:
AHBANAKAJABANA

Will:
eat my ass u little shit

Keith:
GUYS GUESS WHAT JUST HAPPENED

Keith:
YOU CANT MAKE THIS SHIT UP OKAY

Sun:
PLS

Keith:
OKAY SO THIS LADY CAME IN AND BOUGHT A WATER BOTTLE AND SOME GAS AND CIGARETTES AND I WAS RINGING IT UP RIGHT AND THIS GUY COMES IN AND HE LOOKS J U S T LIKE FUCKING NARUTO OKAY LIKE DEADASS HAD THE ORANGE SHIT AND THE HEADBAND OKAY

Will:
fucking mood

Sun:
same pfft

Keith:
SO NARUTO SMACKED THE LADYS BUTT AND SHE GASPED AND TURNED AROUND AND FUCKING M A C E D HIM OKAY SO NARUTO IS SCREAMING BC MACE HURTS AND AS SHE GOES TO CALL 9-1-1 SHES LIKE "Carl?" AND THE GUY WAS HER HUSBAND ALL ALONG IM CRYING

Lance:
why was he dressed as naruto

Keith:
he told her he was on a business trip but he actually went to an anime convention

Nico:
Why is that something Mikey and Brendon would do like

Will:
I DONT EVEN WATCH ANIME

Nico:
you'd still do it

Will:
okay true bUT STILL

Keith:
oh shit gtg

Lance:
NOOOO I LOVE YOU

Will:
he's gone frankie

Lance:
NOOOOOOOOO

Sun:
may he rip in peace *does the catholic cross touchy thing*

Lance:
you went to fucking Catholic school for three years

Sun:
your point is,,,,?

Lance:
okay fair enough

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K @ the note at the beginning tho, I found out that they've been flagging phones that log on and i had a mini panic attack at lunch the other day and almost passed out and gave myself a headache so that was fun. Not.

Also idk how much I've talked about my friend Curly Haired Boy here, bUT HES COMING BACK TO SCHOOL OCTOBER 4 OR 5 LIKE HAVE BEEN TRYING TO CONTAIN MY EXCITEMENT I MISS HIM SM HES LIKE MY BEST FRIEND OKAY I MISS HIM.

K thanks for listening to my ted talk.

Also check out Ryden Hell and the sequel by _ItsBetterIfYouDont bc its hella lit and may or may not have been one of the stories that inspired this in the first place so shout out to Erin even though she has no idea I exist lol