The Hanes Enigma

Chapter Two: Recollection

Kim Seokjin

Sharp metal breaking flesh into a neat line, blood pooling at the tip of the knife.

"What did it feel like, Jin?"

Whimpers and pleading eyes, tears that scream as they leak despair and lack of hope.

"I-I don't know. I can't remember." My jaw tightened, my heartbeat rose. My hands shook as they pulled at clumps of hair.

Mutterings in a steady beat, low and constant like the flow from the wounds I cut.

"I won't judge you, just tell me." I wanted her to touch me, to make the thoughts go away like she had done all of last year. But she refused. I needed to learn for myself. "I can't always be there.."

Blood drips like the ticking of a clock, relaxing background noise.

"It... I don't know! I don't want to think about it!!" The chair flipped as I stood. I pressed my forehead into the cool of the wall, begging for it to calm me down.

A final shudder and I know the girl is done. Her eyes open but dull.

"You know it was wrong. You don't need to feel guilty any more! Guilt has one use: repentance. But you've finished repenting now, Jin. This is just emotional torture! Forgive yourself." Her voice was soft but stern. I knew she was right.

Power. Immediate energy swarms my very being and pulsates around me. I leech off it, sucking in as much power as I can get. It blossoms inside me like a drop of blood on tissue paper, rapidly flowering outwards until it covers as much of me as it can. Until it runs out. I shiver slightly, knowing I will get used to this feeling and then begin the process again.

"It felt good..." My voice was soft, weak. Barely a whisper. I finally said what I couldn't admit for years. "It felt familiar and comforting. I felt strong. I felt invincible!" I sob into the plaster, reminding myself of one of my sacrifices. One of my victims.

Two hands pressed gently onto my back but I didn't stop crying. Laila hugged me from behind, her head rested as a comforting weight on my back.

"Would you ever do it again?.."

"No!" I spun around, angry at the mere suggestion.

"Why?" She smiled, almost triumphantly.

"B-.. Because I killed people for that... I ended lives just to feel a little stronger. I don't want to make lives worse anymore, I want to make them better. I-I want to help people."

She cupped my cheeks gently. "Only good people can help others. Only good people want to. Are you a good person, Jin?"

"I wasn't, I can't be..." I shook my head, trying to step back from her but the wall was mere inches from my feet. I didn't get very far. I was panicking again. Even though she was touching me, I was still panicking.

"But are you now?" She smiled softly.

"I.. I guess..."

"Yes or no."

"Yes! Just-... Just stop." My breathing slowed slightly, as did my heart rate. I slumped to the floor, out of her grasp. My head in my hands and my back against the wall, I began to calm down.

"I'm sorry, Jin. Really." She crouched in front of me, bottom lip wobbling slightly. "I was just trying to help... Fuck! Why can't I ever listen to myself? I can't fix psychological issues, only physical. I'm so stupid.."

I looked up, shocked. "Shut up."

She gulped, meeting my eyes again. She tried to stand but I grabbed her wrist and held her down firmly.

"You're perfect... Everything you do helps people, Laila. You're literally as close to perfection as anyone can be."

We stared into each other for a moment or two, neither daring to breathe in case we broke whatever spell was cast over us.

She opened her mouth to speak but I didn't want her to. Instead, I pulled her towards me, maybe a little too harshly, and pressed my lips against hers. She kissed back immediately, letting the feeling take over our thoughts. Hands grasping and pulling at clothes and hair, teeth and lips fighting for the upper hand, she moaned slightly and I inwardly kicked myself. We broke apart, both panting slightly.

"That wasn't your first kiss, was it?" I bit my lip nervously and she just laughed.

"I've been around a little longer than that.." She smirked slightly and kissed me again, hands finding their way into my bleached hair and taking hold almost possessively. I didn't feel the need to complain.

~~~

"What are you thinking about?.." Laila smiles, hand clasped around mine as we walk up the drive to Pharaway.

"Thank you for pushing me. I really needed it." I smile slightly at the thought of the past few weeks. Her parents had invited me to spend the holidays with them and Namjoon was surprisingly supportive of my crush. Now my girlfriend. I grin as I look at her skipping happily next to me.

"Thank you for letting it work.." She chuckles slightly. "I've never managed to help with a psychological issue before..."

"Maybe you're still learning..?" I shrug, letting my hand find her waist and pull her a little closer and she hums in agreement. "You're not scared of Jimin finding out?" My face falls immediately, hoping she won't let the faerie change anything but not wholly sure.

"I think he'll surprise you.." She smiles softly and brings the hand she's holding to her lips, pressing a chaste kiss to it before running up the hill ahead of me.