"There are so many things that I want so badly to tell you but I just can’t." — Nina LaCour, Hold Still
Harlem
I didn’t know why the universe was playing the amnesia card on us. Was this the price of Jake’s safety? Or perhaps, this was the universe way of telling us, hindi talaga kami para sa isa’t-isa?
Umupo ako sa tabi nya habang pinapanood ko syang nagbabasa. I volunteered to watch him for today because I know Tita has to recover from being tired ever since Jake was brought into the hospital. Qen and Kara went to Baguio tapos si Ava at Vio ay nagdedate parin hanggang ngayon while I don’t think I could face Kim right now lalo na at wala pang isang oras nung confrontation scene namin. Shit. I had almost forgotten about that.
I buried my face in my hands. Ano ba tong gagawin ko?
“Harlem Nikki Yu!” Sa sobrang gulat ko, bigla akong napatayo. I think my mind just went black. “Yuuhoo, Harlem!”
“Ha?” I said dumbly, slowly taking a seat. “What is wrong with you? Kanina ka pa tulala.” Jake said as soon as our eyes met.
“Uh… sorry…” I gave him a nonchalant smile, even foolishly waving my hand in front of me.
Jake didn’t say anything. Instead, he just stared at me, for a good minute or so, as though he was trying to take in everything he was seeing. I thought it was getting really awkward just standing there in silence, so I forced myself to say, “Are you okay now?” The truth was, Jake and I haven’t talked ever since he got fine. Well, minus his broken ribs and fractured arm and his retrograde amnesia. “Oo.”
“Ano na nga ulit ngayon?” He asked. “Uhm, October 2013.” Tumango ito at nagpatuloy sa pagbabasa while I kept silence. What am I supposed to do here?
“Sorry, I kept forgetting about that.”
“Okay lang yun.”
“The thing is...” He began as his eyes turned to me. “ang kaya ko lang maalala na pinaka-recent was the day we all moved in sa apartment.”
SO HE DOES NOT REMEMBER WHAT I SAID? Mabuti na rin siguro yun, at least we all get the chance to start over. I could convince Jake and Kim to start over again. Ako naman yung punu’t-dulo ng lahat di ba? If this happened for me to fix whatever is broken, then so be it. Kahit na masakit. “UGH. Nakakainis. Wala akong maalala.”
“It’ll come back. Wag mo na lang pwersahin, baka sumakit ulo mo.”
“I feel so incomplete. Parang ang laki ng kulang e.” Tinignan ko lang sya habang binabalatan yung orange na binili nina Kara. “Tell me, may nangyari ba pre-amnesia period ko? Something major?”
“Wala naman.” I said trying to be nonchalant about this whole thing. Sana nga makayanan ko. “Really?”
“Mom told me though na kami ni Kim. Bakit di sya yung magbabantay sakin?” I stopped peeling the orange in my hand and looked at him instead.
