Phan oneshots

Without you here

Phil's POV

"Phil! Phil!" Dan's excited voice yelled through the flat. I looked up as I heard pounding footsteps running towards me. Dan careened around the corner, nearly colliding with the table. I put my laptop down right before he jumped on top of me, smiling madly. "Guess what! Guess what!"

"What?" I said, smiling at his excitement. He adjusted so he was siting on my lap.

"I got a job interview," he stated, eyes sparkling. I squealed and gripped him on the shoulders. He had been looking and searching for a job working with graphic design for weeks now. Everyday he was getting more and more frustrated with the lack of opportunities.

"That's awesome, love! When is it?"

"This Friday, a couple hours away from here. I'm going to leave today so I'll have some time to get ready and all that. I'll stay in a hotel near the building." He said, grinning.

My smile faltered a bit. This Friday? That was when I was having my end of volleyball season banquet.. "So, does that mean you're going to miss my banquet?" I ask casually, keeping my voice even.

Dan gave me a sad smile. "Yes, I'm sorry love.."

In my mind I saw all my friends smiling as they got their awards, their families all cheering for them, but an empty seat where Dan should be. My heart lurched and tears pricked my eyes. I quickly blinked them away and smiled once more. "I-it's okay! I'm glad you have a good job interview. What are the hours of the job?" I asked, quickly trying to change the subject.

I felt bad for wishing he would miss the interview for me, but it was the end of my season, the end of what had been my whole life basically for the past few months. Every game, I would see him on the bleachers, cheering and smiling. He would be there without fail every time, no matter how tired. And I understand why he couldn't go to my banquet, but it still made me sad.

Dan excitedly talked on about the possible job offer. I would nod and force a smile, but was finding it harder and harder to keep my tears down. Once he skipped away, I let a few slide down my cheeks. But it seemed the dam wasn't content with only a few drops being leaked. With those few came the rest of the flood. I clamped a hand over my mouth to keep myself from sobbing, and ran off to my room, careful to avoid Dan. I flung myself onto my bed, clutching a pillow to myself as I quietly sobbed into it, feeling very alone. I couldn't go cry to Dan, I didn't want to make him feel guilty about going. This was what he wanted. And I couldn't invite someone over without Dan knowing and asking what was going on. Taking in shaky breaths, I pulled my phone out of my pocket and looked at the home screen picture of me and Dan, locked in a loving embrace. My sobs intensified as I looked at the picture of Dan, feeling as though he was miles away even though he was in the same house as me. I tossed my phone to the side and hugged the pillow even tighter, my body racking with sobs and heaves.

I'm being petty, I told myself. It's ridiculous, crying over him missing a silly banquet when he's been to every game. You're being selfish. But no matter how petty or selfish I was being, I couldn't shake the fact that this banquet was important to me. I couldn't shake the fact I was hurt he was going to miss it. Plus he wouldn't be the first face I saw when I woke up. I would have no cuddles, no kisses, no hugs. I would have no Dan for a whole day, maybe even more.

I stood up, wiping and smearing tears from my eyes. I went to the bathroom and looked myself in the mirror. My eyes were all read, along with my face. My nose was red and sore from blowing it. I'm a mess. I splashed my face with water and dried it. I now just had red eyes, but as long as I didn't cry they would return to normal.

After a few minutes, I opened the door and went to go find Dan. I wanted to hug him, even if he didn't know I was crying. He was in his room, suitcases and piles of clothes and other things laying on his bed. He was bustling around, mumbling to himself and taking things out of his closet. I flopped down on his bed, in the middle of all his piles. "Don't mess up my piles," he said irritably, snapping his gaze over to me. His hair was messy and it was obvious he was frustrated.

I knew it was probably from something not going right with his packing and planning, but the fact that the first thing said at me was a snappy command made tears well in my eyes. "Sorry," I mumbled and stood up. I walked back to my room, feeling even worse than before. I desperately wanted Dan's warm embrace around me. But it seemed as though he was too busy to care about me.

Of course he cares about you, he was just frustrated. Later he'll feel bad about snapping at you and apologize.

But what if he doesn't care about me?

This was once Phil, he's never shown any signs he doesn't, right?

Yeah, but-

And since he cares about you, he'd want to know you're hurting, right?

Well it didn't seem that way when-

The answer is yes, so go back to him.

I rose to my feet and wiped some tears to my eyes. The least I could do was just sit and see if he would notice. If not, I'd come back and cry until I fell asleep. I opened the door and walked into Dan's bedroom for the second time. He seemed to be a bit calmer, and there weren't as many piles on the bed. I sat on the bed, not bothering to wipe the tears that escaped.

Dan was bustling around the room, still gathering a few things. He walked over to the bed I lay on and put something in the suitcase. He looked at me for the first time. My red puffy eyes looked up into his and his face was taken over with concern. "Phil? Have you been crying?" I laughed in a choked voice with relief at him finally noticing, and with that laugh came a tidal wave of emotion. My lips trembled in an effort to contain the sobs. Dan quickly climbed over his stuff and hugged me close. The secure feeling in his arms unlocked my near bursting emotions and I sobbed into his arms, letting lose all I was feeling. He gently rubbed my back while I sobbed loudly, my breaths uneven.

When I had calmed down enough so I could hear what he was saying, he said, "now Phil," in a soft and comforting voice. "Why are you so sad?"

I told him that I was upset he was leaving and was going to miss my banquet, hiccups interrupting every now and then. He frowned. "I didn't think you'd be so heart broken by it.. If you want, I could reschedule the interview and-"

"No!" I cried out immediately, turned my head up to Dan's. "I-I want you to go. I want you to get the job. I'm just.. a little disappointed." I mumbled the last part, feeling very selfish.

Dan kissed my temple. "If you wanted," he said softly against my hair, "You could come with me."

I sighed, already knowing I couldn't do that. I had been looking forward to seeing my team again, since we hadn't seen each other all week like we usually would for games and practices. "No," I said quietly but firmly, looking down. "I wanna go.. but that doesn't change the fact I'm gonna miss you.. so so much."

Dan gave a small smile. "I'm going to miss you too love." He cupped my face and brought it closer to his. He kissed my red nose before connecting our lips in a sweet kiss. I put a hand behind his head, feeling his soft hair as I pulled his head towards me more, deepening the kiss. I had needed this; the feeling of safety and peace I got whenever I kissed him. It was a feeling I could get nowhere else. Determined to get a days worth of kisses before he left, I pulled away and took a breath before attacking his lips again.

In that moment I was never sure of anything more than the fact that Dan Howell truly did love me. It was an amazing feeling.

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Wooh, another chapter! This happened to me today, but substitute me for Phil and my mom for Dan. I have a volleyball banquet this Friday (tomorrow from when I post this) and she's going to miss it because she's going somewhere.