Games // a.i

Sixteen.

Callie;

The sun filtered through the curtains, causing my eyes to flutter open to see Ashton sat on his mattress in the corner of the room like a lost puppy or something. One of the only thoughts that ran through my head all night was Ashton with all those other girls that Luke mentioned. The main reason I actually wanted to have this 'thing' with Ashton, was that he was the first person that ever told me he wanted to get to know me. But now, I was doubting the fact he actually did. I couldn't tell if it was just me he told or if it was a common phrase he said to all the girls he had 'things' with.

He had a tray next to him with what I'm guessing was my breakfast. By this point I had figured he had turned off my alarm because when I wake up from my alarm it's still dark outside.

He breathed a sigh of relief when I sat up in my bed. He picked up the tray and scurried over to my bed, keeping up the 'lost puppy' impersonation from when he was laying on the bed my mum had made for him in my room.

"I-I made you breakfast" he said quietly, putting the tray on the duvet next to me and perching on the side.

"Thankyou" that was all I could say as a response, I knew he was here to explain and apologise, and I was ready to listen this time. Plus, I couldn't exactly turn him away when he had made me breakfast.

"Can I explain?" His voice was quite and very unlike his usual confidence.

I nodded as I picked up the mug of tea, "sure".

"Okay," he breathed, "I know the things that Luke has told you, but there can be so many different sides of one story. The part about Molly was true; I did love her. I know I was only sixteen, but I think that you can be in love at any age. 'Cause ya know, love is a feeling and feelings aren't really age restricted. Anyway, I loved everything about her, well I thought I did at the time. But I look back now and realise that I didn't love everything about her, but we will get to that bit. When she broke up with me I was devastated, I stayed inside all the time and I bunked off school and went to the places we went on our dates, I drove past the places we used to hang out getting wasted. When my mum realised this she, obviously, made me go back to school, but when I was there I would just sit at the back and not talk, I'd go to the library at lunch and break to avoid talking to people. Then one day, like Luke said to you: I snapped. I got up and went to school voluntarily I started talking to people again, but when I say people, I mean girls.

I wanted another Molly, but no two girls are exactly the same. So I would stay with a girl that was like Molly for about a week and broke up with them when I realised they weren't like Molly. To make me forget about her, I thought of it all as a game. A game to find another Molly, and I would win when I found her. To make things easier to break up with the girls I told them we would be a 'thing' and they bought it, they were all desperate.

You've got understand why I did it, Callie" the amount of worry, desperation even, in his eyes was unbearable.

"I can understand why you did it, but why did you do it me?" I don't want to sound like a heartless bitch, but I don't care what he did to the other girls, I don't care how many he hurt. I care about why he moved to a new place, which came with the opportunity of a fresh start and did it again.

"I thought," he took a deep breath, "I thought that you wouldn't like me, so I thought that if we were just a 'thing' and I convinced myself we were just a 'thing' that it would hurt me less when you didn't like me anymore. If that makes sense." He frowned at himself and I could tell he was going through what he just said.

"It didn't really make sense" I say to him and he sighs and runs his hand through his hair, "but I understand" I continue and he looks up at me and smiles brightly before hugging me tightly.

"Thankyou" he says before pressing his lips against mine. It was more passionate this time, it was more gentle and held more meaning.

Ashton broke us apart quickly and scrambled towards the tray as if he had forgotten something vital. He held his hands towards me and passed me my medication box, the white plastic allowed you to see the blurred redness of the small pills that hid underneath the days of the week.

"Open it" Ashton says, I could see him prising it open with his eyes. The small container clicked open and inside was the usual pills and then a small scrap of paper.

"Read it"

Opening the small piece of paper i read 'stuck in the middle- Boys like Girls', I looked up and frowned at him, "Each day of the week, I put in a song that I listen to that makes me feel better" he smiled sheepishly.

"Thankyou" a small tear trickled down my cheek and Ashton brought his hand cupped my face, and wiped it away gently.

"Stay" he mumbles as he lays down next to me, "You can skip school"

I just lay my head down on his chest and listen to his heart beating. I would stay like this with Ashton forever if I could.

"I need to change" I said when I realised I'd been wearing these clothes for quite a while.

"I don't mind watching" he smirked as I grabbed new clothes and blushed as I locked the bathroom door behind me.

The sight in the mirror shocked me. My hair was knotty and messy, my leftover makeup was smeared under my eyes and I looked awful.

I sighed and wiped away the makeup and combed my hair.

I just want to be pretty. I want to be able to wake up and look nice instantly. The longer I stared into the mirror, the more I craved the idea of a better body, longer eyelashes, longer hair just better. Before I knew it tears in my eyes were blurring my vision of myself in the mirror, and I was relieved that I couldn't see myself anymore but the image still burned in the back of my mind. I wasn't perfect that's for sure, but I wasn't even close. On the counter of the bathroom I saw my mums magazines which were covered by models. Models with: perfect bodies, perfect smiles, perfect clothes, perfect laughs, perfect hair, perfect makeup and perfect lives.

The tears came like a tidal wave out of my eyes as I thought about what Molly and the other girls must of looked like. I imagined them like the girls on the magazine; perfect. 'Cause that's what Ashton is, despite some of the things I had learnt about him. He was perfect, and I don't deserve someone like that.

A sobbed into my hands and let out a strangled cry. I didn't think anyone would hear it, I didn't want anyone to hear it.

But, this is me, so obviously someone heard. There was a knock on the door and it was all too familiar to the knocking Ashton was doing yesterday.

"Babe? Are you okay?" he knocked again.

"Yeah" my voice deceived me and wavered making my sobbing become louder.

"You're not" he replied, "I'm coming in" he continues before the door was opened and he saw me curled up in a ball on the bathroom floor. I must look like such an idiot.

Instead of saying anything he sat down beside me and pulled me onto his lap. Putting his arms tightly around me, he rubbed small circles at the bottom of my back kissed my temple.

"Baby, what's wrong?" he whispered like if he talked any louder something would break.

"Everyone else is so much better than me" I sobbed into his shoulder, hiding my face.

He put one hand on my cheek and turned me to face him, "You are perfect ; despite what you think of yourself. Okay? The people that matter, care about you and that's all that matters. You don't need anyone else's opinions. Luke thinks you're great. So do Calum and Michael. Your mum is out working every day so she can afford to take care of you. And I think you're perfect."

The fact he brought up my mum and the boys made me cry harder. People care? That's the first time I've heard that. Turning my head away, he turned it towards him again, "Will you be my girlfriend?"

And in that moment, all I could do was smile.

~~~

short and shitty, but that's me :-)