Instagram book 3 Brad Simpson

4.

This contains some themes including eating disorder. So you can skip this chapter if  you want just wanted to say before you read so you know.

I get in from my run. I swipe the sweat of my forehead and I look at my Fitbit. It's 7 o'clock in the morning.

"Rach is that you" I hear Brad shout from upstairs.

"Yeah it's me" I shout up out of puff.

"Where were you?" Brad asks coming down the stairs with Lexi in his arms.

"I just went for a run. I didn't want to wake you this morning so I was really quite" I say giving him a kiss on the lips and then giving Lexi a kiss on the forehead.

"I'm gonna go for a shower" I add and Brad nods I run upstairs. I go into Noah's room and he is still asleep this is the longest he has slept he is getting really good at being in his own room. I go into the bathroom take my clothes off and take my Fitbit off. I jump into the shower and shower.

I get clean clothes on and run back downstairs and the smell of food hits me straight away. I walk into the kitchen and Lexi is in her high chair and Brad is cooking.

"Here we have my famous bacon sandwich your favourite " Brad says taking a bow and passing me a plate with the sandwich on it. He knows I loved this and he is the best at making it. I haven't had it in so long. I take the plate into my hands. " thank you" I smile at him I put it on the table and sit down. While Brad makes his and Noah's food and is making a bottle up for Lexi. He really is an angle. He is the best father and husband ever he is so helpful. He really is amazing.

I look down at the plate. I see the big fatty bits of bacon sticking out of it. The big layer of butter and the fat white bread. And Ketchup. I feel disgusting I feel terrified. I don't want to eat it. But I can't stop myself. As Brad was turned the other way. I stuffed it into my mouth. I took stuffed big bites of the sandwich chewed it and swallowed it so quickly. When I get like this it's like. Its like somebody else is taking over my body and I am loosing control. I have no control. Tears fall from my eyes as I stuff the rest of it down my mouth and swallow it until it's speaking. Brad has just started speaking and saying so many nice things to me which he always does and I put on a smile when he is speaking but all I can think about is the fat going through my body. I look at Brad and Lexi. I just have to get away. I start to feel all panicky I have to get rid of it.

" Brad I love you so much I need to get something I got you  I will be two seconds" I say standing up quickly putting the plate in the sink and running up the stairs to the bathroom.

I put the tap on and I lean over the toilet and I empty everything out of my body into the toilet. The moment after I have done it I feel a  relief come over me. And then the guilt and sadness takes over on how I'm doing this and not telling Brad, I just hate myself all over again. 

"Rachel are you coming" I hear Brad shout. I stand up quickly flush the toilet and grab my mint spray I spray loads into my mouth. I see the cuts on my knuckles have opened again I grab my foundation and put it over the cuts so nobody notices.

"I am coming" I shout I quickly go into me and Brad's room and grab the ring I bought him. I run downstairs with it and put a smile on my face.

"I got you this" i say passing him the small box.

"Rachel you don need to get me anything" he says as he opens the box and his eyes light up.

"Rachel I love it thank you so much" Brad says smiling putting it onto his finger and brining me Into a hug and kissing me.

"Your welcome I saw it and thought of you" i say kissing his cheek.

"I love you" he says

"I love you too" I say brining Brad's face closer to mine and I kiss him. Our lips move in sync.

But the sound of Lexi crying fills the room. We both giggle. Thanks Lexi for ruining the moment.

"You have your food and I will feed her" I say to Brad and be nods taking a seat. I pick Lexi up and take her into my arms and I check the temperature of her bottle it's fine so I give her her bottle. I look at Brad and he is just looking at me and Lexi smiling.

I wish I could just tell him what I'm hiding from him. But I'm too scared. I'm too scared to tell anyone.